--Entertainment Today--
Cable TV giants HBO and ESPN are in a high-stakes bidding war over the rights to televise the newly-sanctioned broadcast rights to US state executions by firing squad.
"This newly-approved televised death format will not only be a ratings bonanza, it will also provide a much needed boost to the coffers of privately-owned prisons" said an ESPN spokesman.
"Just look at the popularity of MMA cage fighting, the American public is hungry right now to take the next step in televised blood violence and will pay cold, hard, cash money to see some motherfucking horses ass get shot to death live on pay-per-view TV, shot to death repeatedly right in his goddamn motherfucking brains".
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"Yes, of course we will charge more if the death row convict is black" said an HBO spokesperson. "It's not racist, it's just sound business sense in order to maximise our revenue stream and capitalise on public sentiment".
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The HBO spokesperson went on to state that "we here at HBO promise that our high-speed cable streaming platform will provide zero-buffering HD coverage of some death row clown getting shot right in his goddamn motherfucking face. We have a dedicated film crew who, once the execution date verdict is announced, will be on site with the very best in pre-match death preview build up. Rifle calibre calibration, varying bullet ballistics, right down to firing squad executioner collectors cards. You want to see some poor jaywalker get his entire skull motherfucking howitzered back to the Stone Age? Sign up to HBO today!"
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