The Wuhan Chernobyl Bat Lab in China have announced that due to a sudden and inexplicable loss of research funding they are to branch out into the public bath business by utilising and incorporating the septic pond adjacent to their property.
In the foreground, the new Wuhan Chernobyl Bat Lab Public Bath.
In the background, the Wuhan Chernobyl Bat Lab.
"Yeah, lab's a bit cash strapped at the mo" bemoaned the facility director Dr Bhatkokfeevaa. "We seem to have suddenly lost our bat soup strain research funding. Fuck knows what happened there. Anyway, once we fish out the pesky Zika mozzies and shoo off the sunbathing pangolins we'll biff in some exotic bath salts from whatever fucken vials are lying around in the lab here and she'll be good to go. Ching ching, cunts."
--by Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato
Hello. Today it is Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato special report.
Today, misguided Chinaman assemble in new Tiananmen Square for fake news anniversary of 83rd anniversary of the Rape of Nanking Massacre which never happen.
Japan statistic indicate 200,000 chinamen not raped and murdered in 6 week period.
Japan statistic indicate just 4 chinamen tripped and fell on loose Tiananmen Square cobblestone and sadly die when they bump their little dog head on cobblestone. R.I.P to four chinamens. I fell your loss.
Go home, cosplay chinaman. No Nanking Massacre. Fake news, omeeh.
Japan statistic indicate in 1937 peaceful Japan envoys arrive in Nanking to teach barbaric local dogpeople how to make rice and pottery and how to read civilise Japanese kanji. Then 4 clumsy chinamen cobblestone fall-down debacle then China comfort woman swoon at visiting Japan stud men in uniform and give into estrus desire then post-coital tobacco and Japan envoy all repair to inn for bathtime and teatime and futon goodnight teddy end of story.
Chinatown flag at half mast but Japan cock forever at full mast in Nanking. Fuck yeah baby.
China Nanking labcoat doctor release the corona bats to attack Japan again. Fuck you China. Nanking Massacre was Fake News don't make me come down there again u cross-eyed little wankers.
With a view to resuming their wartime biological experiments on live Chinese cadavers, the infamous Japanese Unit 731 doctors have today commandeered the Coronoavirus-infected cruise ship currently quarantined in Yokohama Bay.
Unit 731 was the covert base for the Japanese military to conduct gruesome medical experiments on live Chinese subjects during WWII. The very existence of the Unit was categorically denied by the Japanese government until as late as 1998.
“FFFFFFUUUUCKKKK YEEEEAAAHHHHH YOU BATFUCK CUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNTTS.” The Unit 731 Crew seen here boarding the SS Coronavirus cruise ship in Yokohama Bay.
“I am fucking elated!” said Dr Kitano Masaji, current Professor Emeritus of Tokyo University Medical School and former Unit 731 Director of Sub-Zero Bubonic Bumcrack Activities.
“I can hardly wait to sprint from cabin to cabin looking for live chinamen into whom I can shove my turkey baster laden with bubonic fleas!” shrieked Dr Kitano. “Right up the fucken clacka baby! Hold still you wang fuck, this won’t hurt a bit! For fucks sake, hold still you batsoup-mad cunthead!”
“Hold my turkey-basters you cunts, I need to knock one out right fucken now.” –Dr Kitano.
Dr Ryoichi Naito, current head of The Green Cross blood bank and former Head Doctor of Unit 731’s infamous Facial Bonesaw Division added “this is the greatest day of my motherfucking life since 1945. Finally we get to resume our crucial scientific research on the live chinamen. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide this time, you batfucking chumps! Look buddy, I’m 107-years old, how do you think I still look 55? Live chinamen embryo grafts! Once a fucking week for the last 70 years! My cryogenic freezer is running dangerously low though and it is motherfucking perfect timing with this dead duck cruise ship just sitting here, stuck right here in Yokohama Bay, full of chinese mongrels just sitting there waiting to be sawn up, skullfucked, bled dry, and then eventually executed and deep-frozen. God bless We the Chosen Sons of Yamato!”
“COMFORT WOMAN CORPSE ALL UP ON MY COCK, BABY!
–Dr Naito.
ShirÅ Ishii, Unit 731 Director, co-founder of Japan’s first blood bank in 1951 and Japan’s current Tenured Minister of Health stated “I too am now 107 years old and with a dwindling supply of cryogenically stored chinamen placentiii to keep me alive. I greatly look forward to boarding that fat fuck ship and resuming the bubonic plague arse-basting and frozen erection carving and live subject skull-drilling and all sorts of other crucial medical experiments purely conducted for the benefit of We, the uniquely pure and harmonious Japanese race.”
“Oh SHIIIIIT, you could use my goddamn stiffy as a rudder for this stupid fucken tugboat, GET ME ON THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHIP RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”
Here on Wuhan’s annual National Lollipop Day, a local man has been forced into eating a raspberry-flavoured lollipop despite raspberry being a lollipop flavour he despises.
“It’s National Lollipop Day you stupid cunt, you have to eat the fucking lollipop.”
“That fussy cunt” said a National Lollipop Day spokesman. “We’re snowed under here with this fucken death virus quarantine bullshit and yet we’re kindly and benevolently still going ahead with National Lollipop Day and hello, this spoiled fuckwit is holding out for a tangerine peach-flavoured lollipop or some bullshit? Raspberry’s good enough, you precious dickhead. Lollipops don’t grow on trees you know, Little Emperor, so just be thankful for what you get. Fucken spoiled wanker.”
A local man has presented at a Wuhan ICU in China asking for “something for his indigestion” after he ate some bat wanger soup “last December”.
“Yeah Doc, feeling a bit gassy.” –the guy who ate the bat.
“Hey Doc, felt a bit burpy from that bat dick soup I ate in December, what you got for me?” “It was you?? That was in December? It’s April now, why did you wait 4 months then come to a hospital?” “There is a HELL of a queue to get into the goddamn hospitals. There’s pricks dropping dead in the fucken hallways all over the place. What the fuck is going on around here anyway? Ahh, stuff it, not my concern. If you could just prescribe some antacids in case my next bat soup dinner leaves me feeling a bit gassy then I’ll be on my way thanks cunt.”
Chinese chefs have started hurriedly digging for an underground bat cave in the hope of finding more bats so they can make some more delicious goddamn motherfucking bat soup.
“Fuck!, fuck!, I can hear the delicious little evil wankers squeaking under there! Dig faster you cunts, I am so fucking hungry right now!”
The Holy Grail of food according to your average Chinese gourmand.
“I can hardly wait to drizzle my bat soup with a liberal dousing of live snake sperm” said one excited Wuhan local, his face covered by a surgical mask due to a slight flu scare on the outskirts of town that he’d heard about just recently.
Japan and China have again failed to agree on the death toll at World War II’s infamous “Rape of Nanking”, according to a study obtained on Monday.
Beijing claim as many as 300,000 people died.
Former Tokyo Governor Shintaro Ishihara estimates the death toll at far less.
“Nanking Death toll? About 4 wasn’t it?”
– ex-Tokyo Governor Shintaro Ishihara.
“2 of which may have been dogs” continued the ex-Governor. “It was difficult for Imperial Japanese soldiers to differentiate between the local canine population and the Chinamen. Their appearance is so similar. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the dog community of Beijing for these senseless losses.”
Differences on the definition of “massacre” may be at the heart of the matter. China defines massacre as “wholesale killing.” Ishihara begs to differ.
“Definition of ‘massacre’? Only a nuclear bomb is a massacre. All else is just tripping and falling. Nanking? Some half-blind Chinamen tripped and fell. Cry me a river, chinatown.”
Japan, having recently been usurped by China as the world’s 2nd largest economy, is gearing up to gain a measure of revenge on their bitter, cross-eyed, crosstown rivals.
“A chinamans skull will expand to roughly this size, just prior to it exploding under the wheels of our new XL Daewoo 2000 Certain Death Tank.” – Japan’s Unit 731 Commander Colonel Masatsune Sato.
“The government gave us this big fucking tank in case the chinks turn up and try to take over all our shit” said Col. Masatsune Sato, the leader of Japan’s Unit 731 Certain Death Club.
Sato, whose bony 18-inch waistline is complemented by an anorexic twig-like physique that seems incongruously at odds with his jungle warrior camouflage ensemble went on to say “the tank only has a top speed of 12 mph but that should be fast enough to run down and flatten any tiring, half-blind, bow-legged, ching chong women and children that might be fleeing in terror. The fat green cunt might be made by Daewoo but me and the boys like to joke it’s got Toyota Prius brakes. That being, no brakes! We stop for nothing! Haha, get fucked! Fuck yuz all!”
Japan’s young Prince Manabu, 4th in line to Japan’s Chrysanthemum Throne, has revealed himself to be well-versed in his dynastic Royal family’s imperial lineage. The young Prince today celebrated his 10th birthday by making an impromptu historical presentation to his family.
“Each ball represents the head of an infidel strung up at The Hanging Tree after the 1854 Ming Cunt Uprising.” –Prince Manabu, aged 10.
“The big squirrel over there by mum? He fucks the tree to ensure the infidels all get arse-fucked in hell for all of eternity. Chinamen, crackers, gooks, the outspoken, the inbred, the jewites, the cross-eyed, all them ugly fuckers who dared to stand up to our imperial dynasty…” continued the young Prince, his voice now rising and cracking in nationalistic fervour, “…all strung up and bled out. The souls of the Chinamen you ask? Their souls leached down, down, down through the soil, down through bedrock, down, down, straight down eventually into hell. The howling wind at night? That is simply the screams of dead chinamen, forever caged in hell as they are, screeching imploringly for an atonement that shall never, ever, ever, EVER come to fucking pass Daddy can I go outside and play now?
KASHIWAZAKI, Japan – The operator of an earthquake-ravaged nuclear plant said Wednesday a radioactive leak from the plant was 50 percent bigger than first reported two days ago. The mayor ordered the facility closed until its safety could be confirmed.
“40,000 barrels containing radioactive waste knocked over? Chigeeeeh. Only 400. Almost none.”“Yes lids come off 40 of them. 40 out of 40,000? No problem. No cocks glowing tonight. No more questions, chinaman.”“No radioactive water leaked into Sea of Japan. Besides, it only one-billionth of Japan legal limit. Plus trade winds blow it to China, omeeeh. Chinese cocks fall off next generation. Small cocks anyway. No more questions, fuzaken na.”“All safety measures worked. My cock is A-OK. See? Yes, small, but no glowing. Touch is ok.”“Only 50 cases of malfunctioning and trouble found. Not 5 million. Just 50. And 4 barrels small glow. OK, fuck off now. No more questions.”
A Japanese film crew have today turned up at the Unit 731 Museum in China and started filming a porn flick. Unit 731 was the covert base for the Japanese military to conduct gruesome medical experiments on live Chinese subjects during WWII. The very existence of the Unit was categorically denied by the Japanese government until as late as 1998.
“Yeah, just biff the extra camera shit in a spare room. Fuck me, the ambience of this place has got me hard already.”
“Yeah we’re looking at going with a film noir look for this one” said Japanese film director Shiro Ishii. “Might even use some of the leftover cadavers to flesh out the bukkake queue. Haha. I said ‘flesh out.’
“Here is injection to give you raging Unit 731-style stiffy. Use stiffy to rape comfort woman on your immediate left. She has already assumed position. Then, for moneyshot, leave pearl necklace on face and lip of her crouching pre-teen daughter over in corner… aaannnnd…. action!”
A Japanese film crew have today turned up at the Unit 731 Museum in China and started filming a porn flick. Unit 731 was the covert base for the Japanese military to conduct gruesome medical experiments on live Chinese subjects during WWII. The very existence of the Unit was categorically denied by the Japanese government until as late as 1998.
“Yeah, just biff the extra camera shit in a spare room. Fuck me, the ambience of this place has got me hard already.”
“Yeah we’re looking at going with a film noir look for this one” said Japanese film director Shiro Ishii. “Might even use some of the leftover cadavers to flesh out the bukkake queue. Haha. I said ‘flesh out.’
“Here is injection to give you raging Unit 731-style stiffy. Use stiffy to rape comfort woman on your immediate left. She has already assumed position. Then, for moneyshot, leave pearl necklace on face and lip of her crouching pre-teen daughter over in corner… aaannnnd…. action!”
The Japanese Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, is reportedly privately elated that his mother has invited him to his first family Sunday dinner since 1979. “The cock-faced little fairy has finally started to honour the spirit of his grandfather” said Abe’s curmudgeonly mother in reference to grandfather Nob Kishi, the war criminal turned Prime Minister who ran operations in Manchuria in the 1930’s as Japan fucked shit up with hookers and malaria experiments on poor little half-blind ching-chong wankers.
“A-L-L__C-H-I-N-A-M-E-N__ A-R-E__ D-O-G-S__ T-O__ M-E.” –Grandpa Kishi seen here fucking shit up.
“The shrouded veil of all that Abenomics bullshit has at last been lifted, torched and raped straight in the face” continued Abe’s mother. “Now we’re seeing the real motive of constitutional reforms almost at fruition. That being, freedom from the seppo war criminal pigtards. Freedom to rewrite our own motherfucking destiny. Freedom to re-annex that filthy fucking Korean Peninsula and march on Seoul with our nuts teabagging on gaggles of pronated K-Pop bitches. Freedom to head back to China to fuck some more shit up. I personally can hardly wait to head back to the abandoned Unit 732 underground bunker where we’ve had those deep-frozen chinamen marinading in my grandmothers own special secret experimental “chinese sauce” for damn near 70 years now. Those pricks will be deliciously ripened, exquisite on a yakitori stick, I reckon. In fact, that’ll be the menu for Shinzo’s first family Sunday dinner since 1979. Come on down, my boy!”
Following China’s successful landing on the dark side of the moon, NASA reports are coming through that the asiatic space mariners have already fucked the whole place up.
“They’ve only been there 20 fucken minutes and there’s already garbage everywhere” marvelled one NASA spokesman.
Those ‘trees’ in the distance they’ve photoshopped in aren’t fooling anyone. –the dark side of the moon, yesterday.
“Selfie sticks, fucken macdonalds wrappers, you name it” continued the NASA spokesman. “Bugger me, they’ve already got factories up and running chundering out cheap fucken knock-off Nike bullshit. On the fucken moon!”
“20 bloody minutes and already the moon’s air quality is unbreathable. Un-fucken-believable.”
Japan have sprung something of a diplomatic surprise at this week’s Japan/China summit by abruptly abducting and murdering the Chinese Premier, Mr Lee Ving.
“This is the car boot you should climb into right now Mr Ving, if you wish to see your family alive again.”
When queried about Japan’s ransom demands immediately following the abduction, Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe (pictured above, pink tie) said “there is no ransom demand. We just hate the chinks. So we killed this one. One less of them, who cares, there’s a billion more of the cross-eyed little fuckwits anyway. Don’t worry, Ving’s family are fine. Ving though, not so good. Bit wet I imagine. Still locked in the boot of the Prius which is now located on the ocean floor of Tokyo Bay. Look, it was just a spur of the moment thing. I’m impulsive like that. Decisive. I make the big calls. And I just felt today was the right time to kill the Chinese Premier. No biggie.”
Japan’s Prince Manabu has today revealed his future plan as Japan’s future Emperor to one day annex the living fucking shit out of China.
“Once my coronation is complete I will immediately annex the living fucking shit out of those cross-eyed gook fuckwits over the pond. And by cross-eyed gook fuckwits, make no mistake, my able lieutenants, I do mean the infidel chinamen. They are a mongrel race of dog people not fit to polish my imperial mini-wanger.”
–Prince Manabu, aged 11.
“These marbles represent the various Chinese prefectures that will yield, in succession, before the mighty bayonets of Yamato” continued the Prince, who earlier in the evening had forced a royal courtier to do all of his homework for him at knifepoint. “By early summer, once our tank divisions have secured Peking, and once the ching-chong dog people are at heel, we, the Imperial Sons of Amaterasu, shall spare no mercy in setting these braying, atonal dog spawn amoeba to work in our slave-like sweatshops. Maybe making Japan’s smartphone chips. Or maybe extra Pokemon cards. And maybe cake too. NO MERCY, MOTHERFUCKERS. Rightee-ho then, can I go outside and play now please mummy? I’ve done all of my homework, I promise.”
