Nuremburg Barbie Adjusting To Life In Mexico After Defection.

 –NY Times–

President Trump’s former right-wing I mean former right-hand confidante, Nuremburg Barbie, is said to be settling in well after defecting to fucken Mexico last month. She is now said to be almost fluent at speaking Mexican.

“Hola cunts, el diablo dildo mein conquistador el gash pubes fracking time.”
–Nuremburg Barbie buying a loaf of bread in sunny sperm-stained downtown Mexico.

“Hola taco-faced cunt, mein Berlin wall spic hombre el paso burrito tortilla?”
–Nuremburg Barbie asking what time is the next bus to fucken Tijuana

“Hola mein sombrero el pubus memorandus Shell Oil Gulf of Mexico el gringo cunthead Pablo Escobar?”
–Nuremburg Barbie in the supermarket asking where the fucken Tabasco sauce is.

Nuremburg Barbie and Burrito Barbie To Square Off In WWF Grudge Match

 –NY Times–

Nuremburg Barbie and Burrito Barbie have agreed to meet in a pay-per-view WWF wrestling match. The president’s advisor versus the Mexcian border children’s concentration camp commandant. No holds barred. The pair have never met before in a professional wrestling match.

“I am going to fuck that nazi kiddie gitmo bitch up” yelled Nuremburg Barbie from her training camp in, ironically, Tijuana, Mexico where she now resides having defected from the U.S last year. “That predator-chinned swamp slag is going downnnnnn” retorted Burrito Barbie from behind her press pulpit at the White House.

Burrito Barbie on the left and Nuremburg Barbie on the right;

“After I fuck all of her shit up I will have her extradited from Mexico and incarcerated in my spic kiddie gitmo with all the other wetback dwarves” yelled Burrito Barbie. “My patented reverse flying suplex tortilla wrap manoeuvre will leave her in a motherfucking wheelchair. By the way, there is NO wheelchair access at my kiddie gitmo so she can sit outside in the rain crying with the other tardranching spics.”

“I will bite the hair right off her fucking head” retorted Nuremburg Barbie. “Then I will send the blonde locks in an envelope to Big Donnie for his latest silky-smooth pube fracking upgrade. Silky smooth, Big Donnie. Silky fucken smooth.”

Nuremburg Barbie Picks Up New Sponsor.

 –NY Times–

The Special Counselor to President Trump, Dr Nuremburg Barbie, has today confirmed that her new sponsor is agrochemical giant Monsanto.

“Yes, I can indeed confirm that I do now have a sponsorship deal with Monsanto. They reverse-engineered a fertiliser that once I spray all up and down my birth hatch enables me to grow incredibly long pubes. Then, once the pubus memoralis reach the required length, they can be harvested and reappropriated on top of President Trump’s head” stated the Special Counsel, her eyes aglow.

“Yes, I can confirm that President Trump’s hair is already comprised mostly of my pubes” she went on to add. “I would say about 98% of current growth. No further comment. No, ‘Monsanto’ is not a Mexican word. You must be thinking of the word ‘mosquito’. That is a Mexican word. No further comment. Mattel? What has Mattel got to do with it? Pardon? Yes, I am paid handsomely for my contribution to world head piece. No, President Trump and I do not jokingly call his hair ‘the Tijuana Twat Tassles’ for a laugh. No further comment. No, we don’t call his hairdo the Taco Trump Tower Triffids either. No, there are no side effects to the fertiliser. I just have foot-long pubes that’s all.”

Nuremburg Barbie Defects to Mexico

 –NY Times–

Amidst the recent confusion swirling around the US due to the controversial nature of President Trump’s governance, Nuremburg Barbie has quietly gone and defected to fucken Mexico.

“Hola, cunts.”
–Nuremburg Barbie in sunny downtown Mexico.

The blonde-haired reptilian advisor to President Trump tonight explained that “I just cannot afford to donate any more of my fucken hair to the Trumpster. I’m getting dangerously thin up there. Plus, the orange cunt’s already fracked my pubes halfway to fucken Tijuana and back and gone and sewn the poor little cunts to the top of his fucken head.”

Upon being informed of the defection, President Trump immediately announced open auditions on the 25th floor of Trump Tower for the vacant position of Presidential Advisor which is “open to all chicks with blonde hair and big blonde frackable pubes.”