Japan and South Korea To Hold Inaugural Bukkake Power Summit.

--Seoul Times--

Japan and South Korea have briefly put their political differences aside in order for their respective powerbrokers to attend The Inaugural Bilateral Summer Bukkake Power Summit this summer in Seoul, South Korea.

"Of course we'll have more than 1 woman there. You stupid fucken cock-eyed cunts."

"This is going to be biblical" proclaimed Manabu Sato, Japan's sitting Minister for MILF Squirting & Night Soil. "I can hardly wait to manipulate my rock-hard 3 mm stiffy to issue all over the leg and head of some K-Pop starlet. Or, failing that, all over Korea's Minister for Comfort Women. Oops, yeah, so sorry about the war brothels bish oh shiiiiiiit I'm comingggg"

The 3 days of heated and fluid collective caucus cock summit action are scheduled to take place in August.

"I'm willing to put aside my hatred for the Japs for 3 days in order to initiate punishing international relations with any j-bitch in the room" said Mr Dong Sook, South Korea's Minister For Crying About The War.

"Multiple stiffies are a go, I repeat multiple stiffies are a red hot go, Virgil."
--Japan's International Rescue Bukkake Command Control Centre running one of their daily "stiffy simulations" before the big event.

Korean Teens Pimp Out Their Grannies For Booze Money.

 Seoul Times–

Reports are coming through of enterprising Korean teens pimping their grandmothers out for fucken beer money.

“Root my whinging lemon-faced nana so I can get on the piss.”
-enterprising Korean teen.

“My grandmother is old as shit but the rooting’s cheap” said one half pissfaced teen. “$50 and I’ll take you around to her place and tell her to stop fucken crying for 5 fucken minutes for fucks sake it might be the last root she ever gets.”

One slightly more somber bespectacled teen (pictured below, bottom right) wielded a placard with no photo as “my nana fucken died but I want in on the booze action so fuckit $50 for a dead root, I’ll take you to the gravesite and hold the fucken flashlight for ya. Fucken psycho-cocked wackjob ah fuck it make it $30”

Korean sign (bottom right) reading “Nana died but it wasn’t THAT long ago so the rooting’s probably still a go come on cunts pay up I need to get on the piss PAY NOW WHILE STOCKS LAST NO FUCKEN REFUNDS YA FUCKEN PSYCHO-COCKED FUCKHEAD.”

Japanese Minister Attempts To Bumfuck Inflatible Korean Comfort Woman.

–Korean Times–

The visiting Japanese Minister for Asian Relations, Dr Manabu Sato, has today been caught on camera attempting to mount an inflatible Korean comfort woman.

“Hello, Korea!”
–Dr Manabu Sato.

The minister was attending a ceremony in Seoul, held in observance of the plight of Korea’s comfort women who were kidnapped during the war and forced into sexual servitude at the hands of the marauding Japanese Imperial Army.

The Minister’s unoccupied seat is located directly in front of the inflatible Korean comfort woman. The seat is currently vacated following the Minister’s indiscretion.

“Oops, so sorry. I saw the seating arrangement and thought it was some sort of Korean bukkake queue and got all carried away” said Dr Sato. “So sorry about war and war slut. You know, Comfort Women must be very old by now… in Japan, madam pornography videos featuring mature women and granny is very popular genre. Just throwing that out there. If any Korean comfort women are looking to make a few bucks, I can make some calls.”

The inflatible Korean comfort woman statues have been erected at numerous locations around South Korea as well as on local buses.

“You know, in Japan, bus molestation video is very, very popular. Or, uh, so I hear from my friend who is a pervert.”
–Dr Sato.

“You know, in Japan, pornographic “gal” video featuring suntanned bronze skin high school girls is very, very popular genre. I myself have numerous editions of oops, so sorry, court Judge is telling me to please shut up now.”

Japan PM invited to first family Sunday dinner since 1979.

 –Japan Today–

The Japanese Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, is reportedly privately elated that his mother has invited him to his first family Sunday dinner since 1979. “The cock-faced little fairy has finally started to honour the spirit of his grandfather” said Abe’s curmudgeonly mother in reference to grandfather Nob Kishi, the war criminal turned Prime Minister who ran operations in Manchuria in the 1930’s as Japan fucked shit up with hookers and malaria experiments on poor little half-blind ching-chong wankers.

“A-L-L__C-H-I-N-A-M-E-N__ A-R-E__ D-O-G-S__ T-O__ M-E.”
–Grandpa Kishi seen here fucking shit up.

“The shrouded veil of all that Abenomics bullshit has at last been lifted, torched and raped straight in the face” continued Abe’s mother. “Now we’re seeing the real motive of constitutional reforms almost at fruition. That being, freedom from the seppo war criminal pigtards. Freedom to rewrite our own motherfucking destiny. Freedom to re-annex that filthy fucking Korean Peninsula and march on Seoul with our nuts teabagging on gaggles of pronated K-Pop bitches. Freedom to head back to China to fuck some more shit up. I personally can hardly wait to head back to the abandoned Unit 732 underground bunker where we’ve had those deep-frozen chinamen marinading in my grandmothers own special secret experimental “chinese sauce” for damn near 70 years now. Those pricks will be deliciously ripened, exquisite on a yakitori stick, I reckon. In fact, that’ll be the menu for Shinzo’s first family Sunday dinner since 1979. Come on down, my boy!”

Japan must apologize for “awesome period”: Ozawa

 ---SEOUL---

Ichiro Ozawa, secretary general of the ruling Democratic Party of Japan, said on Saturday that Japan must apologize for an “awesome period” in its relations with South Korea, referring to Tokyo’s rule of the Korean Peninsula from 1910 to 1945.

Ozawa, addressing Doggkok University students in Seoul, said “come on you socket-faced little cunts. You have to admit. It was a fairly awesome period for us. All the bitches we could fuck, a comfort woman on every stove and a dog barbeque in every kitchen. No wait, that’s the wrong way around. But you little pussies know what I mean.”

“The trains ran on time, the uniforms were all pressed, rape bayonets were at the ready, hos were hos, and dogs were dogs. So I’m here to apologize that the awesome period didn’t go for motherfucking longer! Let sleeping dogs lie, niggas! Peace out!”

“Didn’t we share the same comfort woman back in ’44?
“Sloppy seconds, nigga!”
Ozawa and Doggkok University’s president.

Ozawa’s speech was met with muted applause as he left the stage.

The speech, in Japanese, was not translated into the Korean language.

Pope leaves penis in ex-comfort woman’s mouth.

–Seoul Times–

The Pope, The Rt.Hon John Paul Jones III, is today reported to have left his male sexual organ inside the mouth of a Korean septuagenerian churchgoer.

The episode occurred at a church service in Korea. The elderly churchgoer informed the Pope that she served as a sex slave to the Japanese Imperial Army during World War II and The Rt.Hon John Paul Jones Popey McPopepope III immediately whipped out his divine rod of unforgiving forgiveness and began to administer his own new and original special brand of hot salami tongue depressor communion instead.

When confronted afterwards about the peculiar communion the Pope was unapologetic and dismissed criticism by saying “my son, sometimes the cock is divine.”

“Look at the hole, slut. It’s why they call me ‘Your Holiness’.”

“Oh, don’t mind him” said one of his aides (pictured above, on the left). “He does this sort of thing all the time. He left his speckled drill bit in my mouth once. Overnight. An all-nighter. Then he woke up and laughed it off saying “Oops! There it is! I was wondering where that old thing was, haha.”

The comfort woman was unavailable for comment although, on the positive side, she seems to have completely forgotten why it was she went to the church in the first fuckin’ place.