Vegan Parents Face Prison Time.

 –NZ Herald—

Two local parents are facing prison time after feeding their poor little child way the fuck too many vegetables.

“What’s all this fucken shit? All I see is rabbit food. I’m calling the fucken cops. Both of you 2 gestapo wankers are going to prison. Inhumane parenting.”
–Sarah Peddleman, aged 8.

“Haven’t those two old dickheads even read the popular children’s books of today? continued Peddleman. “‘The Little Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables’? Stone cold classic! ‘An Apple A Day Could Give You Cancer’? Should be taught in the fucken schools!

“I’m alright now. Once the cops took old Hansel & Gretel Shithead away in the paddy wagon I barbequed the family rabbit. Baked his little nuts right off. The groinsack was such a delectable treat!”
“Did you hear the one about the nun in prison, the garter belt, the rabbit and the huge carrot…”
“Oh fuck off!”

Local 4-Year Old Crowned King of Jokes

–SMH–

“Oh yes, he is definitely the King of Jokes around here” confided 8-year old local Ms Sarah Peddleman. “James sidles up on his tricycle and tells his terrible homemade jokes to everyone before they even know what is happening.”

“Hey bish, if I’ve got 2 girls, 1 cup, and a bucket full of urinal cakes then what have I got?”
“Oh crap, you told me this one before and it gets ugly” said young Sarah as she sped off from little James Gunston on her Schwinn.

“A granny tranny, an octopus, and a chinaman were waiting in the bukkake line when…”

“GAHH, noooo, not that one” said Sarah as she cycled off out of earshot.

“A jew, an arab, and a welshman were donkey punching an orphan mongol child in the 9/11 rubble when suddenly…”
“LA, LA, LA, I can’t hear you.”