Japan PM Gifts Life-Size Bukkake Tapestry To Italian Prime Minister

 --Japan Today--

The Japanese Prime Minister has today astonished his Italian counterpart by gifting her with a life-size hand-woven tapestry depicting a full reenactment of Japan's legendary 2017 Annual Parliamentary Bukkake Summit.

"We feel this artwork accurately represents the present day spirit of the Japanese samurai" said the Japanese Prime Minister. 

"The subjugation and violence towards women reflects the innately cruel nature of all we Japanese Men. This has been artistically rendered into a fantasists sphere of influence where we can give head to our wildest most uninhibited fantasies involving sperm, mother, savage beatings, semen, headlocks and, of course, gallons and gallons and gallons of bukkake man-spooge."

"That's me in the back and to the left a bit. I gave myself a roofie and let the good times flow."

"My shit's on fire. Like Richard Pryor. Straight got the monkey dick."

The Italian Prime Minister has made herself unavailable for comment and will accept no further questions from any member of the Japanese delegation.

Japan and South Korea To Hold Inaugural Bukkake Power Summit.

--Seoul Times--

Japan and South Korea have briefly put their political differences aside in order for their respective powerbrokers to attend The Inaugural Bilateral Summer Bukkake Power Summit this summer in Seoul, South Korea.

"Of course we'll have more than 1 woman there. You stupid fucken cock-eyed cunts."

"This is going to be biblical" proclaimed Manabu Sato, Japan's sitting Minister for MILF Squirting & Night Soil. "I can hardly wait to manipulate my rock-hard 3 mm stiffy to issue all over the leg and head of some K-Pop starlet. Or, failing that, all over Korea's Minister for Comfort Women. Oops, yeah, so sorry about the war brothels bish oh shiiiiiiit I'm comingggg"

The 3 days of heated and fluid collective caucus cock summit action are scheduled to take place in August.

"I'm willing to put aside my hatred for the Japs for 3 days in order to initiate punishing international relations with any j-bitch in the room" said Mr Dong Sook, South Korea's Minister For Crying About The War.

"Multiple stiffies are a go, I repeat multiple stiffies are a red hot go, Virgil."
--Japan's International Rescue Bukkake Command Control Centre running one of their daily "stiffy simulations" before the big event.

Japanese Prince Gifts Tree To Son

--Japan Times--

Prince Akishino of Japan has today gifted a random tree in a local park to his son. "To you boy, I gift this tree" said the Prince. "It has special emotional significance for me. Because when your mother and I were 4 years old we were once hiding up that tree together. And it sticks in my mind that it was the first time that she ever put her fist right up my fucken clacka. When we were sitting up in that tree together."

"I lost my anal virginity up that very same tree".

--The Prince

"Bear in mind though, boy... upskirt photography is hopeless when you are sitting up in this tree. The angles are all wrong."

"Fun fact, kids; I actually edited the Latin name for this tree species on wikipedia to 'Annus Clackoralis Fistibum'".

Failed Japanese Prime Ministerial Candidate "Surprised" At Loss.

--Japan Today--

Failed Japanese Prime Ministerial candidate Mr Kono is said to be "surprised" at not securing victory in the recent national election. "I really thought we did everything right," said a fairly despondent Kono. "I felt our billboard messaging was right on point. Forthright yet fun. Just like my campaign staff advised me to be".







"My campaign staff warned me not to come across as a doddery old fuddy duddy"continued Kono "and I think the billboard campaign avoided that".

"A modern, stylish man's man' is what the constituents want, the campaign staff told me. Personally, I think we nailed it".

"I really thought the campaign was a reflection of my true personality, as you can see from this shot of the decor inside my family home":

Inside Mr Kono's house:

"My home is quite artistically appointed" went on Kono "and I really wanted that side of my character to come through in my campaign".

"At home I like to rule with an iron fist" continued Kono "and I really wanted this aspect of my personality to come through in my campaign posters".




Mr Kono's campaign staff were unavailable for comment.

Japan 2021 Parliamentary Bukkake Fest Underway

--Japan Times--

"Yes, it's that time of the year again" said a visibly-excited Prime Minister Kishida. "Time to repair to the chamber and form an orderly queue in readiness to dump gallons and gallons of smeggy hot spunk all over some slutty fucking MILF members chest and face and neck. God, I love Japanese culture".

"Fuck Covid, fuck masks, it's time to get busy with bitcoin and bonds I mean bitches and boners".

"The more experienced Bukkake Fest lads have realised they should leave their best suit pants at home and just turn up wearing more semen-hued strides" said Kishida. "The semen, blood, puke, smeg, phlegm and salty tear stains never really wash out anyway".

"We've even got some sort of a bobcut transgender in attendance this year (centre of photo) so that'll be something new for the lads. See what sort of gash/tackle ensemble is loitering down there and how many cc's of man-spooge she can cop up the shitter before he cries 'pronoun!' which incidentally is this years safe word".

Japanese Prime Minister To Be Deported.

--Japan Today--

Japan is reeling at the news that their Prime Minister is to be deported. This shock announcement follows a projection of low quarterly growth for the all-important pornographical niche sector of Tentacle Rape.



A Japanese Independent Commission of Grot Inquiry reported that the 0.3% growth projection on Tentacle Rape was the final nail in Prime Minister Suga's coffin. "I'm sorry but 0.3% growth is utterly, utterly unacceptable. The world looks to Japan to see deep sea creatures get busy with half-naked hotties and 0.3% growth in this all-important grot niche sector is just totally unacceptable. Suga has brought great, great shame upon the nation of Japan. We've unanimously agreed to recommend immediately deporting the useless prick to Bikini Atoll. Let him try and have an octopii-themed tug on his 0.3 millimetre todger down there. Fucking slack cunt. Good riddance, clearly he didn't have the best interests of the Japanese people at heart. Fucking arsehole".

Japan's Crown Prince Buys His First-Ever Thai Hooker.

--Japan Today--

The Crown Prince of Japan has today purchased his first-ever Thai hooker. 

"I recommend that little tart 3rd from the left, son. That bitch looks like she will gargle your nuts from here to motherfucking Katmandu".

"It's a proud rite of passage in our family" beamed the Crown Prince's father. "I bought my first filthy thai slapper when I was just 13-years old. Then after I fucked her brains out for 17 days straight I got sick of the dumb slag and threw her in our castle's moat. Haha, I'm just kidding with you. I had a footman throw her in the moat."

The Crown Prince, now aged 14, is said to have been "practicing like mad" for the big day of finally getting to bang his first filthy thai slut. "I've been jacking off up to 25 times a day. I can't even fucken see straight most days," confessed the Prince. "I cannot wait to rupture some random thai ho's birth hatch with my massive hairy cock and balls".

"Fuckit boy, let's just buy all of them and I'll plough all the ones you don't want."






"Oh, and one more thing son, whatever you do, don't let the mad slags near the bloody ping pong balls".

US Envoy Brought In Over International Incident.

--Japan Times--

The US Envoy John Kerry has been brought in to resolve an international incident involving Japan's Prime Minister Suga and a visiting US Admiral.

The US Admiral and Prime Minister Suga, yesterday.

"We got us a diplomatic incident here, little buddy" Kerry reportedly murmured. "That US Admiral has been standing at attention for 7 hours now. The war's over, Suga. What the hell, dude? What is with the ongoing cruel and inhumane treatment against our servicemen?"

Kerry and Suga, seen here clearly gesticulating over the incident.

"I must profer my deepest apologies" replied the Japanese PM. "I tried and tried and tried to usher the dignitary to his seat numerous, numerous times. To no avail. We even had the translator explain it to him in quite clear English. Again, to no avail. It would appear the individual in question is alingual. He seems unable to respond to any verbal command. We even called the Sony Hologram Unit in to confirm is he is actually human and yes, it seems he is. We tried picture cards of chairs. We tried smiling generously and patting the chair cushion in an inviting, welcoming manner. We tried everything. Please, Mr Kerry, please. I am begging you. Please take him away."

Japan Ministry Of Film Arts Commandeers Tokyo 2020 Olympic Infrastructure.

--Japan Today--

Japan's Ministry of Arts have today commandeered the entire Tokyo 2020 Olympic infrastructure including all computer mainframes.

"We commandeer all Tokyo 2020 Olympic communication tools to keep up with glut of Japan grot films. We need to keep up to speed with all Japan grot releases. Japan produce up to 620,000 grot films a day. We need to review each and every grot film for our, uh, our Ministry of Arts archival records. It is Japanese culture. You wouldn't understand omeeeh".

"Monitor 84, do you copy?"

"Copy Monitor 12, Bukkake Sausage Fuckfest #666 is a go, I repeat Bukkake Sausage Fuckfest #666 is a red hot fucken go".

"We work through the night. We work on grot at night. We are diligent worker. We put in the hard hours. Rock hard hours. So hard right now cunt."

"Some of these boners are looking a bit droopy, I repeat, boner droopage on Monitors 36 and.....oh, hang about..... we've switched to ceiling monitors. Nevermind what I just said, as you were."

Injured Local Man Sues Violent, Insensitive Foreigner.

--Japan Today--

The Olympic official knocked down while trying to cross the Olympic BMX course during a race today has immediately filed lawsuits with the IOC and the Hague in the Netherlands.

"Stupid baka gaijin fail to give way to pedestrian" said the aged gentleman. "Stupid aho on stolen kiddies bicycle does not know road rules of Japan. Now my leg has nasty bump on it. This gaijin is Dutch oven brain. I file lawsuit with Hague in Netherlands, his hometown. Baka gaijin face deportation back to Tulip Town and stand trial in Hague for war crime against my leg. Japan is again victim of unsolicited attack from insensitive gaijin. First Hiroshima, now this."

Footage showing idiot gaijin on stolen kiddies bicycle clearly running down defenseless local old man in broad daylight.

When told he had nearly knocked the BMX gold medal favourite out of the Olympics, the injured local gentleman replied "Olympic? What Olympic? Tokyo Olympic Game was in 1964, moran. I remember clearly, it was bright sunny day and also many baka gaijin were in town that day too..."

How To Rent Apartment In Japan As Foreigner:

Harlo and Welcome to Japan, Gaijiner. 

It is I, Masahiro Sato, the Japanese.

"Hello, gaijin".

--Masahiro Sato (JAPANESE)

Today here internet gaijin can learn how to rent apartment in Japan and main issues gaijiners face when looking for apartment in Japan.

"Dear Gaijin, if you want to open this Japanese window, please ask a Japanese national to assist you with it".

--friendly Japanese realtor.

Today we cover the basics of how to rent apartment and discuss some of the main issues that gaijin pigs face when looking for tiny temporary shithole apartment in Japan.

Let us begin.

Rental apartment market in Japan

There lots of apartment to choose from. 

But none for gaijin. 

So sorry.

Procedure for renting an apartment in Japan:

You gaijin walk into nearest Apaman Shop so staff can politely tell you gaijin to please get the fuck out of Apaman Shop right fucking now.

When should gaijin start looking for an apartment?

When gaijin get sleepy?

When is the best time of the year to look for an apartment?

All seasons are equal gaijin please fuck off now time.

What is the difference between short-term and regular rental apartments?

It no concern of gaijin because gaijin is not short term or regular term. Gaijin = no term.

Why is it so hard for foreigners to rent an apartment in Japan?

Because gaijin is big fat oaf who shit on the rug.

Gaijin also wear shoe inside like piggy dumbo-face caveman.

How much does it cost to rent an apartment?

Why you still asking these pesky questions, gaijin? We not going to rent you an apartment u dumb fukk. Read the air ffs.

What is key money?

Key money is extra deposit paid by Japanese citizen to landlord. Gaijin no pay because FFS are you still here?

What is a guarantor?

Guarantor is third party who pay back money to landlord after gaijin run away at night and skip country and don't pay rent owed.

Thank you for reading and enjoy extreme brief stay in Japan and bye bye now gaijin oaf.

Masahiro Sato, proud

Japanese national.

"This way to airport please, you gaijin fuck".

Japan And USA Experience Cultural Impasse.

--Japan Today--

Today, a US Admiral visiting Japan spent an excruciating 84 minutes standing on stage with the Japanese Prime Minister as the asian nation's leader struggled through the language barrier, repeatedly trying to persuade the American Admiral to please, please, please have a seat.

"...look... just... sit... THERE, would you. For fucks sake. THERE".

"I thought he was trying to shake hands with me for the first 30 minutes" said the US Admiral. "Then I thought he might be asking me to take a seat but couldn't be 100% sure so I just stood there, not wanting to cause offense to my host. Then, for about 20 minutes I thought he was trying to usher me off the stage but, again, I couldn't be sure so I just stood there for a bit longer, awaiting further instructions".

"Would you PLEASE just sit the f*** DOWN, please, you thick seppo f***ing cunt".

Nanking Chinatown Fake News Anniversary

--Dec 14, 2020.--

--by Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato



Hello. Today it is  Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato special report.

Today, misguided Chinaman assemble in new Tiananmen Square for fake news anniversary of 83rd anniversary of the Rape of Nanking Massacre which never happen.

Japan statistic indicate 200,000 chinamen not raped and murdered in 6 week period.

Japan statistic indicate just 4 chinamen tripped and fell on loose Tiananmen Square cobblestone and sadly die when they bump their little dog head on cobblestone. R.I.P to four chinamens. I fell your loss.

spraguedawleyii.blogspot.com/2020/08/japan-and-china-still-dispute-rape-of.html

Go home, cosplay chinaman. No Nanking Massacre. Fake news, omeeh.

Japan statistic indicate in 1937 peaceful Japan envoys arrive in Nanking to teach barbaric local dogpeople how to make rice and pottery and how to read civilise Japanese kanji. Then 4 clumsy chinamen cobblestone fall-down debacle then China comfort woman swoon at visiting Japan stud men in uniform and give into estrus desire then post-coital tobacco and Japan envoy all repair to inn for bathtime and teatime and futon goodnight teddy end of story.


Chinatown flag at half mast but Japan cock forever at full mast in Nanking. Fuck yeah baby.






China Nanking labcoat doctor release the corona bats to attack Japan again. Fuck you China. Nanking Massacre was Fake News don't make me come down there again u cross-eyed little wankers.

Japanese Prince, Aged 14, Snares His First-Ever Upskirt Photo.

–Japan Times—

Japan’s Prince Hisahito, aged 14, and 3rd in line to the Japanese throne, has today proudly become a member of Japanese adult male society by snapping his first-ever upskirt photograph.


"Wait for it boyyyyyy..... waaaaaiiiit......."

"The timing was perfect," said the Prince's proud father. "The slutty high school skank was about 50 metres away, she bent over to pick something up and oh God there it was, white panty heaven". "No big deal" said the modest Prince, "I've been stalking this gaggle of high school filth for months now. All the hard work finally has paid off. Fuck yeah".

Japanese Royal Protocol dictates the father gets first dibs on wanking rights to the photograph.


"Don't worry son, I promise I won't spoof all over the pic. I've done this before you know."

Japan Prime Minister Gripped By Hallucinations.

 –Japan Today–

Reports are filtering through that Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe is today in the grip of some sort of raging brain hallucinations.

“Yes, Mr Emperor. I will attack China immediately and bomb all their shit right the fuck back to the Ming Cunt Dynasty. Yes, Your Majesty. Right away, Your Majesty.”

In what looks to be an eerily similar case to that suffered by his predecessor Naoto Kan spraguedawley.com/japanese-politician-forms-shadow-cabinet/ Abe has seemingly taken complete and utter leave of his senses.

“No, Your Majesty. The giant stupid hat you are wearing today does not make you look short, Your Majesty.”

“No, Your Majesty. We still cannot find the Shadow Cabinet. We believe it to still be in the shadows somewhere, Your Majesty.”

Japan Prime Minister’s Hallucinations Continue On Into The Night.

–Japan Times–

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe’s hallucinations appear to be showing little sign of unabatment as they now move into hour 12.

“No, Your Majesty. Everything has not gone yellow. Although such a racial slur is still occasionally inferred upon our people in regards to the colour yellow, your mind is not playing tricks on you, Your Majesty. I believe this distinct hue to be merely in relation to the commencement of nightfall here in the Bonsai Cunt Kingdom.”

“No, Your Majesty. Neither of us have suddenly shrunk in physical size. We are still titans of all that we survey. In fact, if I may be permitted a brief aside, Your Majesty, as we are both mammals of the humanoid persuasion, we have remained roughly the same size and general dimension since the completion of puberty. Perhaps this current visual aberation could be some sort of optical illusion in our mind’s eye, Your Majesty. Yes, your Royal Excellency, I shall summon The Royal Ophthalmologist at once, Your Royal Highness.”

“Yes, Your Majesty, we do appear to be suddenly noticeably larger in this dimension. Perhaps it would be an opportune juncture to take advantage of this sizeable expansion in bodily dimensions and resume the push through Manchuria? Yes, Your Majesty, I agree. In keeping with your Imperial Decree, I shall conscript all able-bodied men commencing at 0600 tomorrow to resume the annexation of Greater Manchuria.”

Japan demands A-Bomb apology from President Trump

 –TOKYO–

Japan has urged President Trump to apologize for the U.S. atomic bombings when he visits Japan next. The Commander-In-Chief visited Japan just recently but declined to issue a formal written apology for a-bombing Japan’s nutsacks back to the motherfucking Stone Age a few years back.

Community Sponsor: Have Your Say!

http://www.japan-war-apology.proboards.com/

“FUCK YOUUU GAIJIN TRUMP,
WHERE IS MY WAR SORRY?”
–local MP Mr Kamei.

“Japan Army, I mean, Japan Friendly Aid Unit, was working their way through Asia in 1940’s, spreading good cheer and food parcel” said Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, “when suddenly, in 1945, news comes through from back home that violent war criminal americans have dropped murderous and potentially lethal atomic bombs all over our mum’s dogs nuts. What the fuck, USA? Cock is meat murder all over our groin gristle.”

“Which one of you big-nosed gaijin freak war criminal terrorist cocksuckers is the Trump? ANSWER ME.”

“There we were, 1945, minding our own business” continued Abe, “having a good old sing-a-long in Burma, Japanese tea brewing on campfire, live chinaman roasting over an open fire, when hello, we get news from home that ballsacks have gone nuclear, testi’s are radiation glowing all over the town, dicks are on fire, and bumcracks are melting all up and down the main drag. What the fuck, USA? Give peace a chance!”

…therefore, here in makeshift Japanese Hague, I today pronounce that you are all GUILTY of war crime against Japanese Imperial Army I mean Japanese Imperial Aid Unit.”

“Just working our way through Manchuria” continued Abe, “giving aid to needy dogbreed ching-chong citizens, handing out free chopsticks to those smelly cross-eyed rickshaw motherfuckers, instructing them on the finer points of Japanese bukkake queue etiquette, when, what the fuck USA, a blinding light in the sky and suddenly Code Red, mum’s cock has gone thermonuclear. What the fuck, America? If you want complimentary chopsticks, just ask for the fucken things!”

“We stop by with free complimentary chopsticks for friendly Pearl Harbour barbeque in 1940’s and you repay us 4 years later with nuclear detonation? What the fuck, America? SAY SORRY 4 WARRR.”

“My Grandfather Kishi and Uncle Tojo were having a peaceful game of mahjong in parlour” continued Abe, “when suddenly bright nuclear burst and grandfather and uncle are both whisked off to War Tribunal Committee and strung up by their nuts before sundown. For what, America? For what! Are you implying Uncle Tojo cheated at mahjong? He was man of honour! Trump USA must apologize not only for A-Bomb murders but also apologize for impeaching honour of Uncle Tojo as serious mahjong competitor.”

“Drinks and refreshments will be served in the foyer afterwards. Thank you.”

Japanese Prime Minister Spends Entire Day Searching For Bridge High Enough To Jump Off.

 –Japan Today–

Reports have filtered through that Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe spent all day yesterday searching for a bridge high enough to jump off. “A bridge high enough that would ensure a quick and certain death if I were to jump from it.”

“This safety-first surgical health mask will ensure I don’t catch the ching-chong virus just before I die.”

“I departed my Imperial Residence (in background) in search of a high enough bridge from which to throw myself off to guarantee a quick death. However, unfortunately, all my local bridges are too low to promise a certain death. The bridges in my neighbourhood are Japanese therefore they are artistic and well-constructed but they are all regrettably low” continued Prime Minister Abe “However, I did not give up. I displayed the Japanese spirit of my forefathers and continued my search long into the night for a high enough bridge from which to leap to my death. Sadly, I have yet to find a suitable bridge.”

“Fucking stupid dwarf bridges.”

Japan Abandons Plan To Scale Down Porn Production

 –Japan Times–

Japan’s proposed scaling-down of daily nationwide porn film production by 0.000000023% due to Corona Virus fears has been met with a hail of irate scorn by parlimentarians.

“…for the safety of the actresses we need to propose a scaling down of daily film production by 0.000000023%…”
“WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK DUDE. IT’S NOT GOING TO WHACK ITSELF OVER HERE YOU KNOW.”
“GIVE ME THAT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF PAPER YOU AMISH FAGGOT.”
“Order! Order!”
“Order your mouth full of my cock you nazi faggot.”
“I CAN’T BREATHE, I CAN’T BREATHE, SOMEONE PLEASE VENTILATE MY COCK.”

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has called for the immediate execution of the Minister who made the proposal. “In a town square, in a 7-11, in a stairwell, corpse biffed in the creek, I don’t give a shit. End him. What this deranged individual is proposing is profoundly un-Japanese. The trains run on time, the commuters cram aboard, some of them cough viral death on each other and then the survivors all go home and whack it. Is that too hard to understand? As Winston Churchill once said, ‘first they come for your granny tranny mags, then it’s the octopii incest vids.’ Or something like that. Anyway, whether it’s a mummy/daughter bukkake gangbang or an outdoors MILF spitroast donkey-felch pastoral picnic scene, our daily new fix of fresh meat vids here in Japan is the societal stress valve lubricant that keeps the entire charade of our straight-jacketed society from crumbling at our goddamned feet. The arabs have oil, we have bukkake. That’s how this shit works. How hard is that to understand? No more questions, shithead. Would you take the arabs oil away just cos some fucker in Dubai coughed up an iron lung on the morning train? You’re not even making any sense now, no more questions you fucking anti-cock lunatic. Execute that prudish amish fuck of a Minister and biff his head in with the ice creams in the frozen food section of a fucking 7-11. Then make a new grot vid out of it, form an orderly bukkake queue, roll cameras, jizz everywhere, oh fuck yeah”.