Gidday, cunts.
Fucken Wayne here.
Scored this jammy job manning the fucken Amazon FAQ Help Desk. Pretty good gig, plenty of time to whack off.
Fucken piece of piss rolling up the back door so Trev can back the ute in and fill the fucker up with primo amazon shit too.
Righto, the fucken FAQ:
Can I save time shopping online?
Fuck knows.
Can I save money when I shop on the Web?
Sure, fuckit.
Can I avoid human contact?
I knew you had nits. Fucken disgusting.
Is some stuff free?
For you, no.
Can I just research products online, and then go to a local store?
Fine then, fuck ya, go on, bugger off then. I got no one to fucken talk to now.
How private is the information I provide to an online store?
What’s in it for me cunt.
What Do I Need to Shop Online?
Connection to the internet you stupid prick.
Do I have to have a particular computer or Web browser?
Most websites are limited to Daewoo-brand computers only.
What Kind of Stores Are on the Web?
Online stores.
What makes online stores possible?
People.
What are the signs that an online store is reliable?
Toss a coin, shithead.
What makes an online store easy to use?
Computers.
Where Can I Find a Good Store?
The internet. Fuck me some of these questions are shit.
Why doesn’t this store offer a paper catalog?
Ask bung-eye Bezos.
What lies behind the store’s search mechanism?
Some nerd cunt.
How can I search for a product if I don’t know a brand name?
“Sony”. There you go. Now you know a brand name. Stupid cunt.
I got too many results. How can I narrow down my search?
Turn your computer sideways.
What if I completely fail to discover the product using the search?
Then you will be a HUGE disappointment to your mother and I.
Why does the store want to know about my tastes, interests, age, and marital status?
Jeff likes watching you wank.
What if I forget my user name?
Your name is Jason Bourne.
What is this log-in stuff?
Like a fireplace but different.
Are there different ways to pay?
Sure.
How safe is my credit card information with an online store?
Give me the number and let me check.
What does “submit” mean?
Jeff has a HUGE collection of submission vids. Fucken HUGE.
What shipping options do I have?
Really, what options do any of us have?
Why won’t they ship to a post office box?
Because you’re a fucken terrorist.
On a military base, what kind of shipping can I get?
Fuck off jarhead cunt.
How much does shipping cost?
It’s not cheap mate.
What should I do the moment I receive my package?
Squeal like a little girl.
How can I return a product?
Chuck it over the balcony. Jeff’s waiting below to catch it.
Where Can I Go to Solve Problems?
FAQ
What can I do to avoid fraud online?
Look up Jung instead.
What can I do if I am the victim of fraud?
Fucked if I know mate I’m not the dickhead with a mother complex.
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