Japan set to invade Tibet. At Dawn.

 –Japan Today–

In a slightly surprising development during one of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe’s random half-arsed war apology press conferences today, the PM astonished assembled dignitaries by announcing that Japan will initiate a full-scale military invasion of Tibet commencing at 0800 hours.

“Tomorrow night it’s Monk Steak for dinner for all us lucky Sons of Yamato!”
–Shinzo Abe, seen here addressing the U.N.Counsel in the Japanese House of Commons.

“We picked Tibet because we need a bit of a patsy to get our rusty old execution skills back up to speed” said a visibly glowing Abe. “Once we polish off the last limping bewildered monk I mean insurgent then we’ll push on to bigger challenges, maybe Taiwan and from there, on through to the Appalachians. Of course, spreading our peaceful Greater East-Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere Message of Peace as we go. And sampling the local cuisine. Straight after we’ve shot it in the face and in the brains.”

“We will probably pull down this shonkily-constructed shithole. It is clearly an un-safety house, by Japanese safety standards. No doubt it was built with untrustworthy foreign building materials and does NOT adhere to proper safety-first Japanese building regulations. At the gentle and benevolent Japanese taxpayers expense, we’ll fly in a dozen planeloads of Japanese construction workers to put up a holiday house for fat guts Ozawa.”

“This idiotic safety hazard deathtrap is coming down too. We’ll get the trustworthy Japanese construction workers to put up a nice new abode using the thinnest I mean cheapest I mean most Japanese materials possible. It will be just about the right size to house the Tibetan Comfort Women who will henceforth service the Great Japanese Army with some leisurely consensual rape in the evenings as the brave lads take a well-earned break from murdering monks in their sleep. Then we’ll all pull together as only We Japanese can and get on with barbequing the emancipated and eviscerated monks brains to a crisp and feasting on them like it was 1999 I mean 1939 hahaha PEACE OUT
–Abe drops mic to feedback howls, calmly exits stage right.