Japanese Prime Minister Enrols Own Wife In KGB

 –Japan Today–

In somewhat of a surprise diplomatic manoeuvre, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has today enrolled his wife, Akie, in the KGB. “She will be a great asset to both of our nations”, murmured Abe to Soviet Premiere Vladimir Putin.

“No, no, Vlad. Of course I haven’t told her yet. I’ll leave that to you.”

“Whether it’s indoctrinating the next generation of kindergarteners to right-wing fascist I mean to pinko communist ways, or working black ops in black sites, or mobilising the troops on the eastern front to resume the push through Manchuria, she will be your number one asset, Vlad.” continued Abe. “Number fucking one. Spy shit? All that James Bond stuff? She could do that crap in her sleep. Just look at her. Not a goddamn man alive can tell when the bitch is lying” marveled Abe. “I don’t even know what her real fucken name is. Evil lair chateau’s, white dinner jackets still spotless after administering Martini and eggs benedict enema’s to bad guys in guest room bathtubs, just prior to closing the deal with the silencered Luger, bring the Lada around the front Moneypenny, synchronized watches, at 18:05, how many dead or alive?”

The Soviet Premiere seemed pleased with Abe’s pitch and promised to immediately fast track Abe’s wife directly into the KGB’s most elite crack murder death squad.

“Keep it dowwwwn Vlad, she doesn’t know yet
and the bitch can hear a pin drop from 50 yards.”