Friday, August 14, 2020

Japanese Prime Minister Spends Entire Day Searching For Bridge High Enough To Jump Off.

 –Japan Today–


Reports have filtered through that Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe spent all day yesterday searching for a bridge high enough to jump off. “A bridge high enough that would ensure a quick and certain death if I were to jump from it.”

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“This safety-first surgical health mask will ensure I don’t catch the ching-chong virus just before I die.”

“I departed my Imperial Residence (in background) in search of a high enough bridge from which to throw myself off to guarantee a quick death. However, unfortunately, all my local bridges are too low to promise a certain death. The bridges in my neighbourhood are Japanese therefore they are artistic and well-constructed but they are all regrettably low” continued Prime Minister Abe “However, I did not give up. I displayed the Japanese spirit of my forefathers and continued my search long into the night for a high enough bridge from which to leap to my death. Sadly, I have yet to find a suitable bridge.”

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“Fucking stupid dwarf bridges.”

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