–SMH–
Local man Mr C.Yclopath has today, at the ripe old age of 57, finally secured his first ever job. “We’re very proud of our boy” said Mr and Mrs Yclopath of Wollongong. “We’d almost given up hope of the boy ever getting a job. Although he once almost had a paper round. That was about 10 years ago I think it was. However, he was fired after 10 minutes for eating too much paper. His boss was so confused he actually told the lad paper doesn’t grow on trees you know, son. Anyway the boy’s new job is working at the self-help desk for the local megacorporation Gunston & Gunston Heavy Industries. I’m not exactly sure of the job description but I’m sure they’ll look after him down there.”
Local Man Sought For Questioning Over Wollongong Porn Platform Explosion
–SMH–
A local man is being sought in connection with the apparent explosion of a local porn platform earlier today. The man, a Mr C.Yclopath of Wollongong upon Wollongong, was on his first day working a job manning the porn self-help desk at Gunston and Gunston Heavy Industries.
“How the fuck did only one man do all this?
“He was only at the desk for ONE morning?
“Is this just water? It seems kind of sticky…”
–Gunston and Gunston clean-up crew.
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