Trump Selects Tom Petty As New Immigration Chief

 –NY Times–

In something of a surprise move, President Trump has selected 80’s rocker Tom Petty as his new Immigration Chief. Mr Petty has no previous political experience whatsoever. “I’ve always been impressed by his detailed immigration manifesto” said Trump. “Very impressed. He’s very detailed about it.”

“Don’t come around here no morrre…”

“I like his attitude here” said Trump. “Brief and straight to the point.”

“You don’t have to liiive like a refugeeee…”

“What? Of course refugees have to live like refugees… that’s what they are. Refugees. Maybe I’ll have to get Tom into the Oval Office and seek further policy clarification on this one.

“The waaiiiiting is the hardest part…”

“Excellent. Let the refugees and foreign freaks wait and wait and wait, all the while thinking waiting is the hardest part. Because Tom said it is. Maybe we’ll play that song at airport detention centers over and over again to confuse the waiting foreigners for a while until we set them to work building my huge goddamn Mexican wall.”