Web Blogging 101

By Gene Gunston. 

Gidday, cunts.

Gene-o here.

Now then, straight down to business; do you want to get rich as shit off some stupid fucken Web Blog bullshit you chunder out on the fucken internet?

Here’s how!

Recommendations for Your Blog:

How to Improve Your Blog Posts

1. Be Honest. Tell your readers that you would sell advertising space to fucking ISIS if it meant you got a free biscuit for fucken lunch. Readers appreciate ISIS.
   
2. Don’t Research A Fucken Thing. Pulling shit out of your arse is the founding principle of the entire internet. Just make shit up then sell advertising space to terrorists. CHING CHING, CUNT.
   
3. Picture. Put a picture of yourself on your blog. People like to see the faces of ugly wankers like you online. It makes them feel better about their own ugly fucken gargoyle snivelling shit of an existence.
   
4. Enable Comments. this is crucially important. Enable comments so the entire fucken internet can form an orderly queue online to take it in turns calling you a useless fucken cross-eyed terrorist cunt.
   

How do you make money blogging?

SELL ADS. Sell them to anyone. That’s what that facebook dickhead Zuckerburg does. Sell em’ to terrorists. To Walmart. To Amazon. Sell em’ to all those evil cunts. SELL, SELL, FUCKEN SELL. I’d sell the fucken things to Osama Bin Laden if the cunt would only return my calls. FUCKEN. SELL.

What does “blog” stand for? What does “blog” mean?

Blog stands for “Web Blog”.

FFS, thats Blogging 101. Maybe this Web Blogging carry-on is already too hard for a thicko like you. Stupid newbie cunt.

How do I become a blogger?

Sign up to WordPress or some shit, type out some boring dogshit writing, have a big cry about next-to-nothing, wipe your eyes with the doilie you crocheted yesterday, then click the “publish” button. FFS

What’s the difference between a blog and a website?

A blog is a Web Blog and a website is where the porn is. Jesus, wft is wrong with you?

Are blogs dead?

FUCK YES.

Every selfied fuckwit and his dog is off over at twitter/instacunt. No one in the world gives a flying shit about your tear-soaked Personal Web Blog Diary bollocks.

What should I blog about?

How the FUCK should I know? If you have to ask yourself this dimwad question then why the fuck are you even thinking about starting a fucken blog in the first place? It’s like me, a cunt who fucken hates to go outside, asking myself “where should I drive today in my Lambo?”… when I don’t even own a fucken Lambo. Let alone want to go outside. Stupid cunt. No blog for you.

What makes a good blog?

A blog is used for two things:

• Yelling at cunts.
• Being a mental.

Can you do these two things? CAN YOU? CAN YOU MULTI-TASK? ANSWER ME.

How do you start a blog for free?

Fucken loser. That’s just making money for The Man. CHING CHING, MOTHERFUCKER. “Blog for free”. Those freebie shitblogs can’t be monetized for cash gain, dumbarse. “Blog for free.” FFS. I’d sell ad space to Exxon fucking Valdex if it meant one extra micro cent was added to my bank account. CHING. FUCKING. CHING.

How often should I blog?

Your new blogging schedule should replace your old wanking schedule. So, 18 times a day then.

What should my first blog post be about?

How the fuck should I know? You’re the jumped up little fuckwit with the Great Big Web Blog idea. Who gives a shit. It’s not like any fucken cunts are ever gonna read the horseshit anyway. Go for your fucken life! Blog about your dog-rooting VHS collection and how you can never find the pitbull rooting compendium cos you never filed the fucken thing under “P”. And, honestly, you haven’t even alphabetized any of the collection yet anyway. Jesus. “What should I blog about.” What a stupid fucking question. Cancelling your web blogging privileges.

Anyway, hope all this information helps you with your Web Blogging!

Stupid cunt.

Regards,

–Gene-o.