Buck-Toothed Psycho Caught Rooting Goalpost

 –Telegraph–

Buck-toothed psychopath Suarez Torres Hernandez Escobar has been caught red-handed rubbing his tiny pink dago dick against a soccer goalpost.

“Don’t worry mate, the ref won’t see us. He’s half-blind.”

The player has vehemently denied the rooting allegations stating instead that he “thought the goalpost looked a bit parched and was perhaps losing some of his shine, with age, it happens to the best of us, so I thought I would help him to regain his shimmering reflective shine by pissing all over him.”

The player has been fined 10 pound squid by his manager for embarrassingly forgetting to take his dick out prior to taking the piss.