Embassy Envoy appeals to Japan’s elderly to “scarf down” mochi.

 Dec – 06:45AM JST

–TOKYO–

Australian Embassy Envoy Dr Bruce Saint on Monday appealed to elderly Japanese citizens to “scarf down their fucken mochi ricecake death-blob choking hazards as fast as they fucken can” during the New Year holidays.

“Time is running out old cunts!” went on Dr Saint. “Hurry up and stuff your face with huge potentially lethal globs of delicious mochi! You fucken deserve it! There’s no pension money left for next year so you may as fucken well!

Doctor’s license? I’m wearing a fucken surgical hairnet aren’t I? Fuckwit.”
– Dr Bruce Saint.

The ricecakes, a traditional New Year’s food, cause choking incidents among elderly people every year. Authorities appeal to people across Japan to cut up their mochi into small chunks and to eat it with great care, and in the presence of someone else.

To this Dr Saint said “fuck off. You’re old cunts, not fucken old babies. You worked hard all your life, eat your mochi how ya fucken like. Snow on the roof? Get up there and shovel the shit off, no problems. Too dark outside? Fuck it, shovel by moonlight, you’ve got eyesight like a hawk! Fuck me, why not combine the two, stuff yer gob full of mochi and jump up on the roof with the fucken shovel! Do everyone a favour! Including the national pension service! See you on the other side, shitheads!”