Gene Gunston’s Japan Tours

Fuck Georgie! He went to prison so I took over!

I’m Gene Gunston!

Gidday and welcome to Gene Gunston’s Japan Tours!

We’ll take you the length and breadth of this great country, a scenic picturesque Tour Of A Lifetime!

Let’s take a brief sneak preview of what’s in store for you on The Japan Tour Of A Lifetime.

Top notch digs. It’s called “The Blue House.” No, of course that bloke isn’t looking at us through a telescope.

Binoculars I reckon.

Only 27 hours into town by local yak taxi.

One of the Tour Guides:

“If you don’t get back on that fucking bus then I will initiate Operation Goodbye Ballsack. Like this.”

Tantalising stuff!

BOOK NOW! PLACES ARE LIMITED!

Now would be an opportune time for a brief primer on Japanese history.
Take a read of the information below to familiarize yourself with Japanese history.

BRIEF CHRONOLOGY OF JAPANESE HISTORY

0-1392: Dong dynasty.
1392-1945: No walkmans.
1945: Seppos bomb the locals back to the Stone Age.
1946: Walkman production begins at behest of new Seppo Overlords.
2015: Gene-0’s Tours kick off!! Go you good thing!

Got all that? Good.

And just in case you have any further stupid questions
lurking in that dim cranium of yours, now would also be a good
time to acquaint yourself with the TRAVEL ADVICE FAQ.


TRAVEL ADVICE FAQ


Is it safe?

Is what safe?






Group travel is not for me – can I travel there independently?

Absolutely not. I forbid it. Get back on the bus.






How much will the tour cost?

Plenty.






Should I travel to Japan?

Fuck, yes!






How long does it take to get a visa?

Leave all that to me. I know a bloke at the border.






What is the food like?

It’s shit. Bring your own.





Can we go anywhere we want?

Sure! Fine! Go on then, fuck off, leave old Gene-o all on his lonesome.








Can we talk to local people?

If you insist.








What happens if I need medical attention?

Call a fuckin’ doctor!








What are the hotels like?

Fairly sturdy.









How many tourists go to Japan every year?

Fuckin’ hundreds!








Have there been any changes in recent years?

No.












What are the trains and planes like? Are they safe?

Just get on the bloody train would you








Can I write about my trip?

Why? It’s gonna be a disaster. All your spare time will be taken up finding which part of Africa your fuckin’ bags got sent to.

Top shit, that FAQ. All your important questions answered.

Right then, on with the brochure.

Down to nuts and bolts.

You want to root the locals?

Leave it to old Gene-o, he’ll see to it that you get your rancid little stump waxed.

…and now for some of the Tour Posters that I drew all by myself…

Book cover says “Gene-o’s Tour Testimonials.”

Looks to be a pretty thick book there!

In the background is our Japan Tour logo: the hammer, the sickle and the cock.





































Tour package includes all meals.

“Boiled flowers for dinner! Get em’ while they’re hot!”

“Gene-o’s Tours: Ironing Out The Competition Since Way The Fuck Back.”

“Some day we’ll find it. The Rainbow Connection.
“The lovers. The dreamers. And me.”

“Who wants a root?”

Ever heard of “Bukkake?” You blokes will love this part of the tour.

“Hands up who’s been on the Bukkake Tour?”

“Gene-o’s Bukkake Picnic? It’s just over there!”

Righto, that’s about all the info we have at present.

We’ll see you at the fuckin’ airport!

Bring all your fuckin’ money!

Righto.

– Gene-o.