Japanese Emperor’s Imperial Banquet and Royal Concubine Selection Ceremony.

–Japan Today–

In a sparkling display of royal pageantry, the newly-anointed Japanese Emperor has today presided over his first-ever Imperial Banquet and Royal Concubine Selection Ceremony.

“Greetings to you, the selected few, and welcome to my first-ever Imperial Banquet and Royal Concubine Selection Ceremony. Now that I’m in charge I am looking forward to doing a LOT of extra-curricular bitch fucking outside of my regular weekly-scheduled conjugal piston-shafting of bonkers old Masako here. The lucky selected concubines will regularly feel the full force of my 3-millimetre divine todger right up their clackas. In the parlour. In the garden. In the kitchen. All over the fucken place. Maybe even under the royal goddamn rhododendrons. Oh yeah, sure, I know what you’re thinking, a 3 millimetre cock, what the fuck is that? Well, let me tell you shithead bitches right now, my cock may be tiny but now that I’m the fucken Emperor, I reckon that will add at least 2 inches to its length. And 2.3 inches is enough to make a real mess of any bitches shit, or at least that’s what my mum told me during our horsey ride yesterday.”

“Current standings; 8, 9, 4, 6, 3, 5, 7, 2, 1.”

“Now then, onto the Imperial Banquet. Today’s menu has been sourced from the very, very finest and most unique of Japanese ingredients. Here is a helpful introduction to today’s sumptuous cuisine. Clockwise from top left, Dessicated Whale Eye, Smoked Whale Stool Lamingtons, a whole big fucken fish that’s barely even totally died yet, Ossified Whale Blood, Petrified Conder Arse Giblets, Raw Dolphin Snout, A Single Tear Of A Beached Sperm Whale, Sauteed Porpoise Sweat and Fermented Whale Barnacle Cutlets. Enjoy!”