Japanese police panel calls for incentives to use schoolgirl dating services.

 --TOKYO —

A panel set up by Tokyo police has today called for the loosening of regulations on dating services offered by teenage schoolgirls. “We want to include rooting incentives” said Police Chief Manabu Sato. “Maybe a stamp card or some shit. The aim is to get more roots for the local constables as well as getting the girls some cash with which they could then purchase, say, a new goddamn handbag.”

“Stamp rally up and
down my bumcrack!”
–Chief Sato.

“Japan’s teenage schoolgirls have long drawn international admiration”, said Maude Buquicchio, a U.N. special pornographer, Furthermore, Buquicchio has urged her police contacts in Japan to “please send me some grot mags full of glossy full-colour gash shots.”

“Gizza fucken look.”
–Maude.

Chief Sato went on to say “we are doing Japan’s shitty economy a favour by stimulating spending that is literally stimulating to the cock. The cock is spent and so is the money. Happy, Abe?”

“My economic stimulus package is a hands-on solution.“
–Chief Sato.

“The question we need to ask the children of today is would they rather work part time at 7-11 for 600 yen an hour or get 6,000 yen for that same hour just by lolling around in their gruds while Officer Donut, clad in a gimp mask and fuck-all else, has a wild-eyed flog in the corner then throws handfuls of cash at them? It’s a goddamn no-brainer from the vantage point of my dick. Anyway, gotta go now, I’m booked in for a 6,000 yen 3pm sesh with a 3rd grade dominatrix, a recently-deceased octopus and a high-powered vacuum cleaner.”

“Dyson Happy Set? Yippee!”