Japan To Publish Own Bible.

 –Japan Times–

Japan, renowned for its insular & xenophobic ways, is said to have grown sick of the “gaijin bible” and is set to publish their own version of the all-time best-selling fantasy novel. “Foreigner bible is Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. It is 100% gaijin” lamented Japan’s Minister for Upskirt Haberdashery, Dr Masahiro Sato.

“Matthew, Mark, Luke and John? Japan Bible is Momoko, Mari, Luna and Janet in their togs at seaside captured through Nikon XL.003 telephoto lens from 200 yards.”
Dr Masahiro Sato.

“Old gaijin bible version from Roman days is little to no Japanese representation” continued Dr Sato. “Japan is not breaking bread and red wine parting sea. This is what the actual fuck. This is foreigner fantasy in foreigner land. Breaking bread? Japan national dish is scalded dolphin embryo delicately garnished with whale nits. Fuck bread. Besides, modern Japan today prophet is all 13-year old girl in togs, preferably with own series of high-gloss photobook. Preferably it is I want autographed copy. I have many such religious artifacts. It is like deep sea scrolls for chipmunk-speed masturbation. I wait in line for each new age parchment. I wait overnight. I take thermos. And sleeping bag. It is girl of youth that is worshipped idol of Japan, therefore religious deity. Not some gaijin sandal-wear hippie carpenter gaijin man. Japan faith today is stand in line to get high-culture artifact photobook autographed and ask for cute smile from religious deity and, for pre-arranged fee, and thrill of lifetime, possible personal photo opportunity. Keep the faith, Japan. Therefore, in good faith, after parliamentary deliberation, Japan bible is AKB48 photobook. It is unanimous choice and hastily rush bill through parliament and whip off home early for massive new testiclement Japan bible masturbation session.”

“Fuck Moses, fuck Red Sea parting. Japan new biblical epoch is new season bikini testiclement cleavage parting in high-gloss 3-D.”
-Dr Sato.