–Associated Press—
TOKYO (AP) — Japan’s crown prince said Wednesday he would travel solo to Brazil next week because the trip would be “too relaxing and cathartic” for his half-mental wife, Empress Masako.
“We have decided continued confinement is a suitable punishment in light of the barren slag’s abysmal failure to bear me a male heir” the 4-foot 2″ Emperor squeakily told a news conference at his big fucking palace in Tokyo.
Naruhito, heir to the world’s oldest monarchy, said Brazil would be too much fun for Masako.
“I reckon the mad bint is suffering from some sort of hysterectomy of the brain” said Emperor of his completely bonkers Empress.
“Brazil is far away, and there are many, many samba dance parties and pool parties to attend. After consulting with my tiny cock, it’s been decided I will go alone,” Naruhito said, adding Masako would not accompany him on a July trip to sunny sperm-stained Spain either.
How the Emperor imagines himself in Spain:
The Empeor said the palace would consider a foreign trip for Masako only if she would “leak out a bloke sprog.” He declined to give details on her conditions, except to say that the Empress is “a full-blown mentalist and bona-fide tard-rancher.”
Masako has rarely emerged from the palace. Her last official trip abroad was December 2002 when the royal couple visited Australia and New Zealand. Two men named “Hemi and Rangi” both offered her a “quick root” outside the takeaways in Onehunga but the Empress politely declined.
The Emperor, seen here taking a leisurely piss out the window during his bi-monthly check-up of Masako’s restraints.
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