Japan’s Princess Aiko Bullied at School.

 Friday 05th, 05:34 AM JST

TOKYO

Princess Aiko, the Emperor’s daughter, has proclaimed herself “reluctant” to attend school after a group of boys in her class “neglected to make the required written applications to The Imperial Household requesting an appointment to speak to me in public and went ahead and addressed me directly to my face without prior written Royal authorization.”

“You are all fucking cunts, I am leaving.”

* unauthorized viewing of the photograph above is considered, by Royal Decree, to be a crime punishable by flying cock guillotine.

The Imperial Household Agency said on Friday “some of the little commoners in Her Imperial Majesty’s class are believed to have walked directly into Her Imperial Majesty’s line of sight and murmured ‘hello'”.

The headmaster of the school denied any knowledge of the matter.

He is to be executed at dawn in a private ceremony.

The list of offending children are as follows, including the punishments to be meted out to them by Royal Decree:

Taro Watanabe: detention in Burma. Forever.
Masanobu Yamada: public stoning to the face.
Hiroyuki Sato: whole-body incineration at high noon in the town square.
Tomohaya Abe: target practice for the Royal Archery Squad using his nutsack as the bulls-eye. Then detention. Then 50 lines (“I am a cunt”). Then buried alive in a pit in Burma. Then exhumation and 50 lashes.