Local Man’s New Stereo “Coming Along Alright.”

 – AP Press.

Local man Mr Sprague Dawley has aroused suspicion among local physicists over his construction of a homemade stereo which looks to be large enough to decelerate time itself.

When queried over specifics, Mr Dawley said “I nicked all the parts from the Home Center. I think I’ll call the stereo ‘The Black Sabbath Chunnel Widowmaker’. Come in for a look.”

“One tweeter. For one speaker. There are eight speakers. One tweeter is one eighth the size of a woofer.”

“Rubber-sheathing insulates the eight fairly sizable speaker wires. In order to keep them cool. In the background is the Vortex Of Sound. In the foreground, some poor cunt that was standing there during a test run. Must’ve missed the memo for that day. Better notify the next of kin. In 1324.”

Left to right, phono-jack input L and R, tape-jack input L and R, etc.

Sign in the back probably says “DAEWOO COMMAND YOU TO DIE FOR BLACK SABBATH.”

Some dork attempts to ‘upload’ some of my 50 million-strong archive of 7-inch records into a “computer”. He was shot in the anus and then the face and hiffed out with the burnables in the morning.

Spare speaker wire. “Yeah, sure, it’s off, you can touch it.” Haha.

See ya in 1324, pal.