Rugby 101 with Coach Graham.

 Hi.

Richard Graham here.

Ex-rugby football coach for the Queensland Reds of Australia.

Today, I will walk you through some basic rugby football strategies that we employed in my time at the Queensland Reds rugby football team before I was callously relieved of my duties one day.

1. Stay Out of The Red Zone.

“The Red Zone” is my own name for “on-field advertising”. In the case of the diagram above, “Asteron Life Insurance.”

I believe these sponsors messages need to be clearly readable AT ALL TIMES during the rugby football match. In fact – small trade secret here – this is usually my main topic of discussion at halftimes. “Stay out of the red zone!”

The straight orange line is an axiomatical adjunct of flange-propelled gradients indicating where the Reds players should move to in order to NOT be standing on the Asteron Life Insurance sign.

As you can see by the scoreboard in the top left corner of the screenshot, my team, (The Reds), are losing by 20 points to nil after 31 minutes. This is due to incorrect implementation of axiomatical red zone gradientation.

2. Keep Staying Out of The Red Zone

More straight orange line, more tangential axiomatical adjunct bearings. Fairly straight-forward stuff. Although that Reds forward behind the ruck did get a bit of a scolding at halftime for ALMOST standing on the “A” in “Asteron” The halfback clearly stood on the “N” in “Asteron” but I could still read the word ok so I just gave him 10 laps to do at halftime.

3. Forever Out of The Red Zone

Players #1 and 2 are called a “Red Zone Pod” They are doing a VERY good job of keeping EVERYONE out of the Red Zone, both Reds players and NSFW players.

Due to their diligence at policing the Red Zone I would not be surprised AT ALL if these two individuals were offered free Life Insurance for life c/o Asteron Life Insurance directly after the game. Maybe even in the tunnel as they headed back to the changing rooms.

I have scribbled over The Red Zone with orange pen in order to further clarify where the Red Zone is.

In order for everyone to stay out of it.

Forever.

In closing, let’s hope the Reds NEVER end up in the Red Zone!

–Richard.