World’s Richest Person Sends Out “Tone-Deaf” Social Media Message

 –Forbes Magazine- 

The world’s richest person, Aunty Doris Gunston of Wollongong, spraguedawley.com/the-15-richest-people-of-all-time/ has been roundly castigated on social media for sending out what was, according to billions and billions of twitter, instagram and facebook users worldwide, the vast majority of whom are now facing unemployment, destitution or possibly death due to the global Coronavirus pandemic, “quite possibly the most tone-deaf social media message in the entire history of the medium.” 

Aunty Doris, who made her billions in oil, has, according to social media watchdogs, “completely failed to read the air and totally shat right directly down the goddamned fucking throats of the entire 99%”.

Following is a transcript of the message in full;

“Hello, dearies. I hope you all managed to offload your fucking stock before the stupid fucking economy crashed the other week. What a shit show. Luckily, I dumped 8 trillion of my shares in pangolin ovary perfumery just before it all went tits up. Ching ching, motherfuckers.

“To my friends in China. I hope this slight blip in the world’s economy will not interfere with your pre-scheduled production of that delicious pangolin bat cock broth we here at Gunston Bat Cock Industries have invested so heavily in recently. You know how I hate to brag but that latest recipe I sent you for it REALLY hit the sweet spot! So spicy it actually made me feel a bit flushed in the cheeks and forehead! It was as if I had a mild fever or something!

“To my friends in Africa. I hope you have stocked up on enough candied urinal cakes I mean delicious snacks to last you through the fucken lockdown or quarantine or whatever the fuck the situation is over there in ooga booga land. By the way, no defaulting on previously negotiated snack shipment payments you jungle-cocked cunts. A contract is a contract. 

“To everyone else worldwide; how are your hills of gold? My fuckers in the backyard are starting to lose their lustre. The help have completely given up coming around to polish the fucken things. I look out the window at my 5 or 6 dozen wee 3 metre-high monuments to hard work and they’re reduced to a dull gleam without their daily polishing. It’s really quite sad. You just can’t get good help these days. I rang the agency and some crying slag shrieked something about it being ‘flu season’ or some bullshit. Fine then, forfeit your $3.80 an hour, be my guests, shitheads.”

Righto.

-Aunty Doris.