--USA Today--
Detained socialite Ghislaine Maxwell is reportedly awaiting an official Presidential pardon from outgoing US President Donald J. Trump. It is believed an announcement will be forthcoming any day now.
Ghislaine was raised in a life of privilege at the 51-room Headington Hill Hall near Oxford in England.
"It was utter, utter squalor" lamented Maxwell. "Only 51 fucking rooms for fucks sake! And half of the rooms were chock full of decomposing teen hookers that Uncle Jeff had fucked to death".
"Uncle Jeffrey, some of these sluts are getting a bit pongy. Can't we just burn their corpses?
When informed of the upcoming Presidential pardon, Maxwell issued the following statement through her solicitors;
"Fire up the Lolita Express u bitches. Stop. And get Gates and Clinton on the blower. Stop. We'll rendezvous at Headers then be back on Pedo Island by sundown! Stop. Gates Head Jobs Revisited, baby! Don't Stop!
"Ghislers, where shall I land the Lolita Express?"
"Fuckit, just taxi along the grass and open a door, I'll jump in, let's do this thing! Back in business baby!"
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