Gunston Rugby Golf.

 Hello.

Gene Gunston here.

Are you sick of golf? Of course you are! It’s a bloody stupid game! In case you haven’t noticed, the golf hole itself is ridiculously small. Especially compared to the massive acres of parkland you have to wander around to even find the little pinprick of a fucken hole.

Well, rest easy because have we got the sport for you.

Rugby Golf!

All you have to do is tonk your ball over the rugby goalposts and that’s it. Hole finished. Par 5? Just tonk it over the posts and pencil in birdie or some shit. You’re getting the hang of it already! Fuck the green, fuck the flag and fuck the stupid little tinpot hole you can hardly even fucken find. They can all piss right off.

Let’s take a leisurely stroll around The Gunston Rugby Golf Links Course.

It is now available for bookings.

One round is $69,995.

Book now!

The 1st

The round starts now! Yes, as soon as you get out of your car. Start tonking!

The 2nd

What the hell is goign on here? Fuckit, just play through. Give yourself an albatross or something.

The 3rd

Pretty basic tonking action here. Straight through the uprights.

The 4th

“WHAT’S THAT? SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”

The 5th

Makeable par 5.

Unless you swing like a girl.

The 6th

Fairly simple 3-iron draw shot to make par here.

The 7th

What? “Where’s the fuckin goalposts” you say? Well, they’re about 200 metres behind that lass standing by the hole. Start tonking! If she’s in your way just smash it right thru her! Take a drop! Take a drop right off her fucking head!

The 8th

Piece of piss.

The 9th

Make sure you put your club right through the ball here. Might still be some time on the clock for a quick restart.

The 10th

Instant albatross.

The 11th

Back-to-back albatrosses. You are on fire!

The 12th

Come on, mum. Put your back into it.

Old people usually end up crying on this hole.

The 13th

I recommend a lofted club on this hole. And earmuffs.

The 14th

Relive the magic and excitement of the waterlogged Eden Park test of 1975. Get tonking!

The 15th

Any goalposts will do. Definite birdie chance.

The 16th

Trickier than it looks

The 17th

Don’t worry. That little boat comes back like clockwork, once every week.

The 18th

The 18th, the showpiece of The Gunston Rugby Golf Links Course.

Be sure to stop off in the clubhouse after your round for a few beers and a yarn.

Don’t worry, this hole is perfectly safe. There’s no glass in the windows.