Hans The Austrian Completely Ruins Asian Winter Games. Again.

 –AP Press–

Hans the Austrian ski jumper has turned up at the Asian Winter Games again and already completely ruined the whole fucken thing. The Games started in Japan today.

“It is my event ladies, it is ski juuuuuuuuum…”
–Hans the Austrian.

“I have personal best jump of 184 metres” proclaimed the proud Austrian to demoralised event organisers in Sapporo, Japan today. “Your terrified cross-eyed chinamen falling down wet hill in wooden rickshaw daewoo ski’s and painfully plopping to new personal best of 4 metres will be no match for me. NO MATCH, MEIN SCHWEINHUND.”

“Gold for Austriaaaaa…”

As an event spokesman lamented, “Hans wrecked the last Asian Winter Games too. We keep trying to explain the concept of Asian Winter Games to him but to no avail. He doesn’t even listen. As we talk to him he just keeps crouching down then going into his silly little ski jump pose. Although, just quietly, I must confess, his ski jump pose does have very nice form.”

“Suck it Daewooooooooo…”