Japan: Late Shipment Of Grot Mags Results In Govt Commission of Enquiry

 –Japan Today–

All Japanese government ministers have today been summoned before an irate House Senate Commission of Enquiry to answer queries as to why this week’s nationwide shipment of grot mags arrived a whole 7 minutes late to some households.

“They are the backbone of the Japanese economy, Prime Minister. Do you hate the Japanese economy? DO YOU?”

“WHY can these crucial documents of national importance not be delivered on time?” pleaded Minister of All Grot Mags, Dr Edano. “WHY? The trains run on time SPECIFICALLY so We Japanese can get home in good time to have a tug to the newest edition of Junior High AKB Swimsuits. The trains do their part. And yet yesterday 8.2 million Japanese subscribers arrived home distraught to find this month’s new grot mag NOT in their mailbox. Reports indicate a good 18% of subcribers instantly offed themselves on the spot. Prime Minister Abe, why are you so keen on seeing the annihilation of the Japanese race through deprivation of Grot Mags? WHY? These full-colour illustrated documents are the staple sustenance for our entire beings, the wind beneath our wings, the reason we get out of bed in the morning, the lead in our pencils, the stiffy in our boxers, our cock in the back of some quietly weeping schoolchild on the packed train twice a day, WHY, Mr Prime Minister, WHY do you want to see the total nationwide dismantlement of all that we hold dear? ANSWER ME.”