Japanese Pop Duo Pink Lady Ready To Eat.

 Saturday 05:22 AM JST

TOKYO —

Reformed 1970’s pop duo Pink Lady have today turned up at a Tohoku earthquake evacuation shelter in search of something to eat. The starving bony pair are half-dead from hunger and haven’t eaten since 1977.

“Pleased to mee oh, just give us a fucking biscuit.”

Keiko, 52, (pictured above on the left, and halfway through corrective dick surgery to become a man), said “we are elated to be here in Sendai because we heard there is some free food. We are also going to give one of our legendary performances to cheer everyone up or, if you’re under 900 years old, send you spiraling into a suicidal depression.”

Mitsuyo, 52, (on the right) who Keiko chides as being “clinically obese”, begged of the audience, “please don’t throw flowers on the stage. Chuck us some rice crackers or snot soup or something. I am fucking starving.”

A spokesperson for the duo said that in order to minimize crushing waves of depression amongst the homeless and half-dead audience, the duo will in fact be replaced for their performance by an array of life-sized cardboard cutouts. “Nobody will notice the difference” said Keiko, “meanwhile, we’ll be backstage foraging for bits of cheese.”