Local Bloke jailed for depleting 8% of world’s ozone layer

 –Sydney Morning Herald—

A local bloke has been incarcerated for depleting 8% of the entire planet’s ozone layer with just his fucken hairspray.

“He has enough hairspray in there to send the Hindenburg to fucking Mars and back” stated Judge Gunston in is closing statements. ““His name is Gene-O Monaro. He stands 6”8 and plays A-grade club rugby on the weekends. But that’s beside the point right now. He has enough fluorocarbons in his hair to cause a polar bears’ pubes to burst into flames from 800,000 miles away.”

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Gene-o Monaro: 6”8 rugby player with exploded pubes.

“I added 10 more years to his sentence for the crime of entering my courtroom wearing a comically stupid little sash as a ‘belt’ over the top of an enormous big thick bloody jacket. Ridiculous.”

“10 more years!”

“As for the hairspray, when he entered my courtroom, my thick swatch of dashing hair was greying in a distinguished manner” said the Judge. “By the time he left, my skull looked like the Amazonian rainforest had been shot through the flames of Satan’s arsepuck halfway to fucking Hades.”

“57 more years! Dickhead!”