–Wollongong Gazette–
Local man, Mr T. Gunston of Wollongong, has shattered the Trans-Australia land speed record by driving from Sydney to Perth in a shade under 28 minutes.
“I cannot believe that stupid-looking bogan cuntface is driving that crappy old ute at 680 mph.”
“I started out fast mate and once I hit the Great Sandy Desert she was all on” said Mr T. Gunston. “I reckon I was hydroplaning it at one stage there. Whatever the fuck that means.”
The previous record for the crossing stood at 37 days.
“I didn’t hit any abo’s, if that’s why you’re looking at me all funny ya fuckin’ dick” continued Mr Gunston. “I may have even given a few of them a lift. At least for a few hundred metres. Before they fell off.”
Mr T. Gunston, seen below in Perth attempting to park his car
despite having no previous experience with such a manoeuvre before:
“Fuckin’ trickier than it looks!”
– Mr T. Gunston of Woolongong-upon-Perth.
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