Local Toffs Turn Up For Golf “Ridiculously Overdressed”.

 –NZ Herald–

A pair of toffs have turned up for a round of golf at the Onehunga Belchforth Daley golf course ridiculously overdressed for the occasion.

For fucks sake.

Resident hacker Hemi Hone Wiremu Heke confessed that he “mentioned to the tall poofter that a cravat was a bit flash for golf. The posh twit then rushed off and put on a necktie. Right over the top of the cravat.”

Pro shop junior staff member Mr Liaki Moli went on to say “the chick in the $600,000 dress and stupid marshmellow hat sidled up to me and whispered “how much?” to which I dumbly replied “what, for a root?” She just looked at me all serene-like and smiled, as if she could hold that expression for the next 60 years. Which I suppose is what she will have to do when you think about it. Anyway, I told her it was $40 bucks. She plonked down $80 without a second thought. I don’t think she realized that it’s $40 for one whole year. That’s the annual subs. $40. For only one round it’s $2.25.”

When quizzed as to whether their two infants would be joining them on the quagmire-like inland links course for a round, the posh couple laughed and said “by Joves no, I dashed well hope not. No, we’re trying to get rid of them. Do you want them? We only just recently adopted them and frankly they’re already starting to smell” said posh wife. “We flogged off the original two last month” said the taller toff. “They were so ugly and stupid and small and pongy. I think we gave the stumpier one away to an orphanage? I forget what happened to the bigger one. I think we just let the little goblin wander off down the street. Now then. Which one of you polly wollys has the keys to my new Golf?”