Mexico to Close.

 --Tijuana Times–

In a fairly surprising turn of events, the nation of Mexico has today abruptly announced they are to close.

All Mexican territories will be seceded to the United States of America as of midnight tonight GMT.

In an address to the nation, the Mexican President announced “oh fuck yeah. We are closing. We are all Americans now. Tijuana will be renamed as Texaco or some shit, I dunno, not my fucken problem. The reason we are closing is all our citizens are desperately trying to flee our jobless crime-infested hellhole of a country for America anyway. That plus we the government here in Mexico have no control over the gangs and drug cartels that run the fucken country so we decided fuckit, we give up, it’s your problem now, USA. Let the seppos drone strike the thug cunts nutsacks halfway to Tijuana and back, we no longer give a shit.”

Mexican citizens are said to be elated at the news. “We are all Americans now! Our lifelong dream has come true! Fuck you Mexico! You ugly little spic cunts! USA! USA!”

“Chihuahua? FFS, WFT were we thinking there? New state name; Bald Eagle Nutsack City!”