New York Police Dept Arrest Manual

 

Crime: Jaywalking

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: High five suspect and defuse situation. “Haha, wonky walking, you drunk dude. How bout’ dem Knicks?”

Black Suspect: Suplex nigger until he is face-down on the pavement. Plant drugs on him and immediately call for SWAT backup. “Fuck you nigger and fuck your Knicks”.




Crime: Jewellery heist in progress

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: “Heyyy, that’s a pretty nice brooch you scored there, fella. Oh yeah, bodycam’s off. Have a nice day. Go Knicks!”

Black Suspect: Call NSA hotline and black-ops drone strike that niggers nuts halfway back to motherfucking Swaziland.











Crime: Peaceful Protest

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: Take a knee with protestor. “Black Lives Matter”.

Black Suspect: Rubber bullet that screaming nigger motherfucker right in the fucking skull then mace his mandingo cock and balls till his junk has gone liquid nitrogen frozen like in the Terminator film then crack that shit off and shove the whole lot right up his crying mama’s big ol black ass. 




Crime: Mass shooting at cinema

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: “Nice gun. Was this one in the new Rambo film? Pretty cool. Try to keep the safety on next time, Sir.” 

Black Suspect: B-52 bombing raid on nearest black neighbourhood and don’t stop bombing til that roach-infested shithole is a goddamn motherfucking rock lobster stone age Wakanda.







Crime: Speeding

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: “Haha, take it easy there, tiger. Hey, this is a pretty nice Prius. What sort of mileage you getting on this thing?”

Black Suspect: “This white bronco looks stolen. Nigger, step out of the car.” “Officer, it’s a Prius.” “DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK, NIGGER?”

Detain smart-mouthed nigger face-down on the ground. Immediately call for SWAT backup. While waiting for backup, strangle the nigger to death anyway, just to get an erection.






Crime: Small Child Jaywalking

Recommended Responses:

White Suspect: “Hello, small child. Officer Friendly here. Would you care for a lollipop?”

Black Suspect: Shoot suspect 47 times in the face, hack up the tiny corpse and then send all the body parts back to Africa piece by piece. Cock first.