Trump To Save American Economy With “New Source of Protein”

 

President Trump has announced today that he “has personally discovered a new source of protein.”

“What am I even paying these science guys for?” proclaimed the Commander-in-Chief. “I was looking at a picture of the Corona virus and this little thing has at least 3 different types of protein. S protein, M protein and something else. And protein is healthy right? Those weightlifting guys eat it and they’re healthy. So, to get America healthy again we’ll just eat the virus. Because it’s made of protein. Kill the virus by eating it and getting healthy at the same time! What a great idea! Killing two birds with one stone. What have my science guys been doing this whole time? We could even make the virus into protein bars for the weightlifting guys. So anyway, today I passed an Executive Order that all food banks nationwide must now be stocked with Corona virus samples. For eating. After all, it is high in protein. According to my picture of the virus this little ball guy has at least 3 different proteins in there. That’s a balanced meal.

“Maybe if you’re dining out in a restaurant they could serve the little protein guys on a nice little dish, like a petris dish or something, I don’t know. It’s a huge opportunity for restaurants too, to help them get back on their feet financially. A healthy protein-packed addition to the menu. The virus is quite a cute colour too from the pictures I’ve seen, it will look quite artistic on the plate or petris dish. I don’t know how it tastes but you could put some ketchup on it or something. You could make some real money from this thing. I’ve heard that loads of Americans have the virus, maybe they could donate a portion of the virus from inside their body to restaurants? For the cause. Maybe restaurants could take down all that plastic partitioning and instead have a special coughing virus protein donation area?

“And best of all, this new food source, loaded with protein, would even be free to start with. Sure, we’d sell off the licensing and patents down the road but to start with it would be free. Imagine that, free food! It will definitely save the American economy. We could export it to the rest of the world later too. Huge export potential. Huge. A real game changer. This will make America great again.”