Phil Kearns Tears Now Visible From Space

 –Science Today–

Stunning satellite images have today revealed that beleaguered rugby commentator Phil Kearns tears are now visible from space.

“Philip’s national rugby team have lost 63 of their last 78 rugby football matches” said a quivering volcanology spokesman. “And this avalanche of losses is in turn causing Mr Kearns tears to pool at an alarming rate. The retinal seepage around the edges of the pool is particularly caustic and contains an alarming degree of butthurt.”

Mr Kearns tears, as seen from space,
6 billion miles directly above Wollongong.

“This corrosive bubbling pool of death is placing a great strain on Wollongong and the surrounding areas” continued the spokesman. “We are recommending a full evacuation of Greater Wollongong prior to Australia’s next rugby football match. I believe Australia’s next scheduled opponent is the Luxemburg Crippled Children’s Under-3’s Burn Clinic. Actually, bugger me, we may as well sound the fucken klaxon now, everyone out!”