--Kabul Gazette-
The Taliban have selected their 2021 shopping mall Father Christmas. Between now and Dec 25th, kindly old Uncle Abdul will visit numerous Kabul department stores and queues of little Afghan children will sit upon his knee and tell him what present they would like for Christmas.
"Hello, children".
"Of course, there are some local customs that need to be observed", said a Taliban spokesman. "Just our little twist on the whole Christmas experience really. For instance, if a little girl said she wanted a Barbie doll then the filthy slutchild would be immediately beheaded on the spot. Let the carpeted halls of the store run red with her infidel blood.
"But if a little boy asked for, say, a fully-loaded AK-47 assault rifle, then he would be presented with one on the spot! He could even take his new gun and begin patrolling the kiddies queue to check if the little girls are properly attired in the hajib.
"On the other hand, if a little boy said he wanted a Barbie doll then his brother standing next to him - wielding his brand new fully loaded AK-47 - would be ordered to immediately shoot his own brother to death right in the cock and balls. Right fucking now. Let the carpeted halls of the store run red with the perverse brothers' tainted homosexualled blood.
"Anyway, these are just a couple of rules we have in place in the department stores, to ensure things run smoothly for Santa. We wish you all a Merry Christmas from the Taliban!"
"You missed the cock. Try again".
-Santa.
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