--USA Today--
The King Of Pop, Michael Jackson, is to have his bumcrack exhumed from his grave by a crack team of scientists in order to test it with DNA analysis.
"If we find DNA from E.T's space todger still wedged up Wacko Jacko's clacka then we've got that adorable little interstellar rapist bang to fucken rights" said Neverland estate spokesman Mr Tito Jackson.
The King of Pop pictured here with E.T in a file photo from 1982.
"Yeah, E.T's definitely feeling good about bad thoughts in that 1982 file photo..." continued Mr Tito Jackson, Michael's older brother. "Filthy little space wanker. I reckon they'll find buckets of that pervy little space sodomists leftover stiffy DNA still wedged up Jacko's violated clacka. Fucken buckets of it. It might not have even dried yet. Who fucken knows how long it takes for space alien sperm to dry? I certainly don't know. I've never even thought about such a thing to be honest. Hang on, maybe that's why Jacko always wore that white glove? E.T made him wear it and forced Jacko to wipe the spoof off E.T's revolting little space prong after he'd finished raping him. To hide the DNA evidence. Poor Jacko. I reckon we need to exhume the white glove too".
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