United States of America Civil Defence Brochure

Dial L for Switzerland.



































Verse 5:12 in the Bible?

What is it?

It's the one about cock radiation.































ALWAYS wash your hands thoroughly
before dialling "L" for Switzerland.


























Is this a car aerial?

 

This car aerial is too large. 

 

Please just use a coat hangar like everyone else.

































In the event of biological agents stripping your face of it's features
and causing your body to grow to grotesque proportions:

1. Proceed indoors in a calm, orderly fashion (mind your head.)

2. Stay there, out of public view.

3. Await further instructions, ELEPHANT MAN.































Fish don't need tribal tattoos you idiot. 





































In the event of a terrorist attack, quickly throttle yourself.

Ignore the colors and move briskly towards the light.
































A Civil Defense Emergency is no time to

be experimenting with homemade tattoos.
















As the biological agents take effect and you grow to monstrous
size, remember to DUCK AND ROLL, concealing your face as your
appearance becomes increasingly hideous.



































Keep your head out of the clouds.

Terrorists exploit overconfidence.


































Ignore exits with oversized red arrows partially jammed in the door.

**THESE ARE CLEARLY TRAPS SET BY TERRORISTS**.

 

**YOU DUMBARSE**































Don't be a hero.

As you cower and stave off the inevitable, you
may as well attempt to fellate yourself one last time.



























Ignore the hand and the arrows.

 

In your panicked state, you are clearly not thinking straight.

Why is the door elevated?

 

Are you at sea?

Where did you wake up this morning?

 

THINK.


















































To thwart the terrorist, one must think like the terrorist.

Memorise elaborate escape routes.


































2 days after exposure to radiation your body is longer than two entire city blocks.

Forget "Elephant Man".

 

Head straight to Roswell.










































Hey Roswell, give my regards to Broadway.

Start spreading the news.





























Argument with the spouse?

Let it go.

File it away.

Then, cometh the hour, calmly proceed to your
basement fallout shelter and quietly lock that bitch out.































GREEN WIRE?

 

RED WIRE?

 

GREEN?

 

RED?

Which one DAMNIT, which ONE?

There are no wires.

In your haste you have misinterpreted the diagram.

R.I.P.






























In the event of a terrorist attack you have roughly 10 minutes to sell
all of your shit and head straight to Switzerland (see following diagram)